How often do you divert praise?
In 1998 I fell in love with a Brazilian martial art called Capoeira. I was captivated, committed and consistent. For almost 18 years I stayed the course, trained more than most. Sometimes 3x a day. People thought I was quite good. I was oblivious. I diverted praise. I never felt good enough. I always wanted to be better. I never took in a compliment or felt grateful for praise. I didn't know how to hold that space of acknowledgment with in myself. If I landed a back handspring, I wanted a flip. Compliments would roll off my back and into the ethers. When I changed, my world changed. Do you divert praise? How do you hold self-acknowledgement? As a society we've been taught not to be arrogant, don't be egotistical, don't brag... we all have our own story around 'not' being able to 'take a compliment,' or how we change the subject, avert or dilute the praise. Can you relate? We discount ourselves by not fully receiving a gift- not out of a modest intention to divert praise, but out of a real block within ourselves to acknowledge and hold sacred ALL of our accomplishments- both large and small. Do you do this? Seeking acknowledgment outside of ourselves-from others is one default reaction when we're unable to hold this space for ourselves. As humans it's natural to want approval. Sometimes we don't see the thumbs up when they're there. Seeking approval outside of ourselves becomes dominant when we haven't cultivated our ability to acknowledge ourselves for achievements and success. We were born with the gift of knowing we're great. It's innate. Somewhere along the way some other message changed the program of the mixed tape running our subconscious mind and our capacity to notice and appreciate our own brilliance may have gone out the window- some or many parts. I had this blind spot for a long time. It wasn't until I was able to fully realize how much I had been discounting my accomplishments for the simple fact of not seeing them, that I was able to implement actions to train a different response. Guess what happened. Different outcomes. When we acknowledge our achievements we attract more of what we want. Why might this be? Because everyone of us wants to be acknowledged. It's a part of human nature. It's ok. It's good. We have to give it to ourselves first. How do you acknowledge and celebrate yourself if you don't see or notice your own accomplishments? I've given some steps below that may be helpful. I'd love to hear your comments if these work for you. Here are 3 Steps to See Your Accomplishments When You Just Can't See Them: Step One: Commit to acknowledging yourself for small successes and track at least 3 daily. Intentionally receive compliments and be systematic about tracking acknowledgments that come to you daily. You'll begin to stretch your ability to hold acknowledgment which will help reprogram your default response. Soon you will see your wins more easily. Do this daily for a week and see what happens! Step Two: When you notice yourself wanting to discount yourself- "It wasn't anything really." "I still haven't ____" or any other form of self deprication- quickly course correct. Set your intention and stick to it. Recommit daily to this commitment and day by day you'll rebuild your automatic subconscious response strategy and soon you'll stop discounting yourself completely. Step Three: Notice how your outcomes change. When you compliment yourself and receive and hold compliments from others, your outer world will change. Negative self talk will no longer be a blind-spot. You'll hear it and see it like a mouse running around your house. You'll trap it and release it and seal your house so it doesn't return. Rinse and repeat. Watch your world change in front of your eyes! This is the law of cause and effect which is the basis of the simple yet powerful law of manifestation. Its always influencing your outcomes- either positively, negatively or neutrally. The powerful reflection of my word shifted when I began to fully embrace my impact on others and my brilliant gifts. I see this with my clients as well- and then the email rolls in- "I get it, I totally how I'm showing up differently and it's reflecting in my world from the inside out!!!" (melts my heart every time!) When I speak of how we INFLUENCE our OUTCOMES- and how the reality of our existence is a mere reflection of our inner world- I am not spouting fluff- it IS the LAW of MANIFESTATION - the UNIVERSAL LAW of CAUSE & EFFECT. It's simple and complex, real and truth. When you understand how you are influencing your world- and truly shift your beliefs about yourself and your accomplishments -the more rapidly your world changes from the inside out. How does this land for you? Where are you discounting your brilliance? What are you willing to do about it? Comment below if this resonated for you! Share an acknowledgment and allow us to hold space for you! Be True to You, Intentionally, 
4 Comments
Virginia
9/22/2015 12:00:04 pm
Stephanie - the points in this article are so true - we tend to belittle our accomplishments or even how we appear. I learned that a simple 'thank you' is the minimum you need to say in response to a compliment or acknowledgement of something you have done. You can elaborate if you wish. When you don't accept the nice words from someone else, it is as if you are rejecting their point-of-view or belief in you. Not nice. Willingly accept the accolades - you've earned them. Reap that reward.
Stephanie Trager
9/27/2015 08:55:45 pm
Thanks you Virginia. I think rules of thumb- "thank you" are a great place to start- If we're programmed to say 'thank you' and then list a bunch of reasons why it's not true, yes a simple 'thank you' is a great way to just receive. The great exercise of 'presence' is in receiving, and feeling what you want to say in response. Being fully present with receiving is a visceral exercise in itself. Thanks for sharing! 9/22/2015 12:15:50 pm
I believe in being humble, Stephanie but I also believe in accepting that we are good at certain things and graciously accept compliments and praise.
Stephanie Trager
9/27/2015 08:58:24 pm
Agree Vatsala! When we receive and shine in the light of a compliment, we give others permission to receive in the same empowered way when they receive a compliment- I wonder what it would feel like for you to receive a compliment and not offer one in return (unless you were planning to before). Just receive and shine. What might that be like? Leave a Reply. |
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