Back doors open leak energy.
When you set a goal and condition it upon how much money you have, how much time you have, or how much desire you have, when the rubber meets the road, you essentially have one foot on the gas and one on the break.
What does that do?
It leaks energy all over the place, indecision runs rampant and you become blind to potential opportunities because you're too busy looking for your conditions being met. Are you resonating with this? Is this you or someone you know?
When we're in this state of gas/break - back doors open -leaking energy, we're unknowingly pulling everyone we come into contact with into our mess- or being pulled into theirs.
If you resonate with this, think of how this shows up for you. Are you consistently saying, "Yes I want to move forward and change ___" and then stop, start, subconscious programming spinning you in all directions? Are you reaching out for help and attracting others into your vortex of mushy boundary spin?
Or maybe you're on full speed ahead and you notice others around you in this space of
leaky energy which equates to leaky boundaries. Are you allowing them to pull you into their mess?
You may not be resonating at all -yet this very well may be you.
What happens when we're in this state- of either attracting others into our mess or being attracted into theirs- is always an opportunity for growth. Often we're not even conscious it's happening.
The symptoms show up as:
1. Feeling like we're not being valued
2. We give away our time, money and power and blame others for their craziness
3. We disempower others by coming to the rescue
4. We feel victimized by all this craziness 'others' are bringing to our world
5. We lash out and blame
6. We stay stuck in a spin of indecision usually laden with worry
I pick up on energy very quickly. One thing I experience when I'm speaking to a potential client or client experiencing this mushy boundary spin is that I start to get spun up in it. I love when this happens.
A big red flag goes up for me because I notice right away I'm off my flow. This helps me tune in and be of best support (or decide this client is not for me) because I see it and experience the visceral effect pretty quickly. I then get to apply my back door closing strategy with them which generates quick results so they have an immediate quantum shift in their lives.
Here's what you can do to experience a quantum shift right away
(*And if this doesn't work for you then reach out to me fast because it's definitely costing you money, time and energy to not have this little situation fixed!)
5 Steps to Tightening Your Boundaries for an Immediate Quantum Shift in Any Area of Your Life:
1. Crazy Honest Self Inquiry: Get really honest with yourself and ask yourself why this situation is showing up for you over and over. Notice the patterns and what triggers them.
2. Ask yourself how you are causing this situation. A little known strategy to own your life and take responsibility for all of cause and effect actually empowers you to create a quantum shift right away. This step is not about blaming yourself. It's about being objective, stepping back and saying, "How am I responsible for this?"
3. List all the places your back doors are open (escape hatch to actually doing what you said you want to do) and where you're not fully committed. Ask yourself 'why?'. Don't worry if you don't understand your answers. Often they don't make sense to the conscious mind but they are certainly part of an intricate and brilliant subconscious strategy to protect you (since that's what the subconscious mind is doing for most people who haven't done this level of deep dive yet).
4. List how each of your answers to #3 is impacting your life- finances, relationships, success personal happiness, health...
5. Decide what you need to and want to do about it and by when you will do it.
It's often easier said than done. I encourage you to pause and implement this exercise and see what you come up with. Who, What, When, Where, Why, How - are mushy boundary spins showing up in my life -either caused or attracted by me?
Was this helpful for you? Comment and share a nugget you're taking away!
Be true to you!
Stephanie Trager, Esq.
Business Strategist, Success Coach
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How do you generally move through your day when your plate is more than full?
You've got a million things to do. You have more tasks than humanly possible to complete in one day plus family and life and exercise, meditation and time to pause and breath.
What's your modus operendi? When it comes to stretching how you handle what's on your plate so you keep growing and sowing the future of your dreams- you must KNOW YOURSELF.
Knowing how much is too much for you is key. By the same token, if you desire to accomplish more and would like to stretch so that you are able to take on more tasks and projects at a time while still showing up for yourself and intentionally steering the outcomes of your life, here are a few simple (not easy) tips to help you ease through when your plate is more than full:
When Your Plate is More Than Full:
Tip 1: KNOW WHAT is MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU and CHECK IN DAILY
-Starting each day knowing what is most important to you that day is crucial to stay in
alignment with your overarching values and desired outcomes. What's even more important than a daily check in is knowing what your goals are for the year (and longer term), having a road-map, action plans, accountability, your success support team and knowing what's important to you about achieving those goals or your big vision.
Knowing what's most important to you helps you check in with your daily importance meter. It's ok if a few weeks a year go by and you're overcome with things that trump what's important to you.
But, if you're entire lifestyle is not congruent with what you say you want to achieve and you're saying yes to things that don't help you get there- and no to things that do, then it's time to pause and get clear with yourself. Clarity and knowing what you want helps you stay congruent with actualizing your vision, knowing how much you can say yes to and having stronger boundaries so you focus and stay the course no matter what.
Otherwise, one more thing to the plate and soon you'll realize you were heading to Hawaii and you'll find yourself in Katmandu!
Tip 2: BOUNDARIES:
One of the biggest taker outers when it comes to staying on target to accomplish what we set out to do is weak boundaries. When we keep saying yes and adding things to our plate- even if they're things we really want to do- we have to pause and check in with how it will affect us and our original plan.
If you're someone who says, bring it on, delegates, leads and runs a smooth ship while enjoying work and balancing time for you/family/health/feeding your soul - then you probably have a good guage on your boundaries. If you're all business for one or two years because that's what lights you up and you have a big plan that requires serious focus- then you definitely need strong boundaries connected to what's important to you.
If you're someone who says yes then feels overwhelmed and resentful, you're probably up for a wonderful breakthrough around strengthening your boundaries. I used to think I had strong boundaries when it came to my time and focus. Then I realized it wasn't true in areas I needed it most- giving away my time and expertise for nothing.
It was a process of personal growth and standing in the truth of my value to strengthen my boundaries which in turn gets to empower others to stand in their own value .
I notice when I'm exhuasted or my plate is too full- my boundaries weaken. Why do you think that is? Because when we're overloaded and already stretched - we have less energy to tune into our intuition and hear what we really want to say. A no is a no. A yes is a yes and a maybe is a no until it's a yes. Firm boundaries allow you to hear your inner guidance say yes or no and remind you to stick to it and say what you mean.
When you're tired you have less decision making and will power available and you revert to default behaviors. If having weak boundaries is your default- know thyself and have a back up plan when you're tired!
Tip 3: STRETCH with GRACE and POISE:
If you're like me, (and not exactly like Richard Branson who says yes and employs a cadre of implementors on a flinch) when you feel overwhelmed and your plate is too full, you may pause and check in with what's important to you, realize this will pull you forward and then ask, "How can I make this happen and still __________-." Fill in the blank with what is important to you and what you're not willing to let go of.
How can I say yes to this and still accomplish all of my writing for the week, enroll new clients and give them my 1000% focus and energy as I enjoy doing, meet 4 new people a week who have populated my calendar, say yes to planning the gala, say yes to spearheading a new committee, plan the next event, have plenty of time for family, workout 6 days this week, meditate 20 minutes each morning and still show up for all of my other commitments?
Will this new thing add value to my life, business or purposeful pursuit? Will it pull me forward? Is it a long-term overwhelm or short term opportunity to stretch, delegate, ask for help, evolve to a new level of self-mastery OR will this pummel me over the edge making me want to cry?
Know yourself. We're all so different. Being systematic about how you grow and evolve is all about knowing you, knowing where you want to go, and knowing what's non-negotiable to get there.
Have fun and let me know how these go!
What is your biggest take away here about how you handle your flow when you add one more thing to your already over crowded plate?