8 Secret Tips to Apply When You Must Let Go...
We are always being told: 'let go' of that which no longer serves you, if you love it let it go, let go of this and that. I tell people this too! But how? How do we let go and move on?
How do we let go when our beliefs are so intricately designed to keep us holding on? Or how do we let go of connection and love when we're told to stay connected and keep an open heart? How do we let go of relationships when we care and have compassion? How do we let go of patterns and defenses that have kept us safe for so long?
When it comes time to let go- of a job, a career, a decision, a business, a partner, a lover, a child, a memory, a mindset, a belief, an identity, a regret, a resentment, what is the trick? A band-aid will not do the job. We need instructions to mend our hearts, give us wings, restore faith, increase gravity beneath our wings, and to give us the will to move on.
Growing and moving through transition is confusing and scary. When done voluntarily it can be down right terrifying and heartachingly painful. Sometimes we make decisions knowingly that will lead us to this place. Sometimes they're made for us.
Begin by setting the intention that the outcome is for the highest good of all (this is HARD when emotions are involved yet ever so powerful!)
I let go of things daily. Weekly. I am constantly asking what no longer serves me or what old beliefs are still lingering around my habitat that no longer match who I am becoming. I have my process for letting go. Yet when a person leaves or a situation suddenly changes- or likewise when a person enters and old patterns no longer fit this new situation- there is often a moment where a decision has to be made to let go or suffer. Letting go may feel like suffering at times yet it is really a pathway through to a new you. Growing pains. The other type of suffering is a dead end place of disempowerment that serves no one.
I have recently been through a situation where I had to let go. Everyday a new round of letting go has to happen, sometimes the letting go has to continue all day. Letting go isn't always a one shot decision and poof. Letting go is a process. You come up with your own instructions. When done with grace and intention you move through your situation with a powerful healing and elegant up-leveling at the core of who you are.
Here are my 8 Most Powerful Secrets to Letting Go:
1. You don't have to know how to let go and resolve your situation to let go. There may be no resolution but for each moment to let go and continue to release what needs to be released. Letting go begins with intention.
2. Give yourself a good cry. There is no reason not to feel what needs to be felt. If it brings up emotion- crying is the most beautiful way to release and let go while honoring the way you feel. You deserve to feel how you feel. Allow your feelings to flow through and out - Caveat: You don't want to direct these feelings at another person or thing. Blaming another while you're releasing emotion isn't really letting go- it's redirecting. If there is hurt, hold the person or thing in your thoughts and intentionally let go and release all your emotion with the intention that the highest outcome for the good of all is restored.
3. Be in integrity with your values. Sometimes when we're in a sticky situation involving others, we throw our value bag out the window. We say things we don't mean and we step onto the Triangle of Disempowerment (Victim, Perpetrator or Rescuer) without being mindful. When we're on this triangle, we're not able to fully honor the truth of our situation and let go from a place of equanimity. While equanimity may be the goal- it's not always where we are when we're in the pain or difficulty of a situation. Being mindful of where our consciousness is at all times in this process is important. Sometimes we need to feel pity for ourselves or blame someone else for a minute- fine- for a minute bring it up and out and let it go. Then come back to yourself and back to integrity.
4. Honoring what just happened. Sometime we forget ceremony and ritual. These are powerful ways to focus with intention on healing a situation, honoring the parts and letting them go. Honoring the people involved- even if they hurt you- is a way to bring about your best possible outcome. Even in the process of letting go and feeling, we're manifesting. We're constantly manifesting! When your intention is for the best possible outcome for all involved, you can place yourself in the shoes of the other and honor their position. You may not think they're right or agree with them. You may not have gotten what you wanted, yet you can still honor that there is something better coming to you even through this difficult time no matter what. Acknowledging this truth means you're able to honor what just happened and still expect the best possible outcome (even if the facts don't seem to present that truth right now).
5. Speaking your truth. Saying what needs to be said and hearing what needs to be heard also means feeling what needs to be felt. Sometimes - being vulnerable and speaking your truth from a place of compassion is the most powerful healing force on the planet. Put aside the fear of being judged. Put aside the fear of being too nice, or too this or that...and speak your truth from that place of integrity. Speaking your truth takes courage.
6. Let go of being right. Being happy, healed and resolved is more important than being right. Know what's right in your heart and find validation where you'll find it- in people you can trust. If a situation is not fair and you're going to waste energy attempting to be right, evaluate where you put your energy. Let go of being right, by knowing you're perfect and it's all good. Once you've done 1-5 above, it's going to be really easy to let go of being right.
7. Letting go means you're going to go through different stages of emotion. Expect it! This is probably the coolest secret of letting go. If you really lean into the process and allow it to unfold, one day you may feel love the next day you feel anger. You may have dreams that elude to subconscious behaviors that are keeping you stuck and holding on, then you'll experience sadness... it's a mixed bag and depends on your psyche. Your process of letting go is unique to you. It's artistry and grace when you allow and expect variation. Be compassionate with yourself. Allow the feelings, notice the changes, and know this will pass IF you keep allowing and keep letting go.
8. Be mindful of myths and stories. When we're feeling pain or hurt, anger, sadness, an empty space where there was someone or something before, a lack or taking away of something valuable or important, we and our brilliant minds tend to create all kinds of stories in our heads. Sometimes they're true and sometimes they're not. They're usually as true as you allow them to be. You create your reality with every thought. When you have brought sufficient honoring to a situation it's rather hard to create a horror story. Often our stories put us back on that Triangle of Disempowerment (Victim, Perpetrator or Rescuer). Just be aware of the story you're telling yourself and others about what just happened, or what happened in the past. Create a new story. Create the story of the most empowered you and take responsibility for what happens next!
There you have it! It's not a recipe, it's a workbook. You're process is a work in progress. Each thing, person, event, belief, mindset, issue, pain, or thing you let go of is an OPPORTUNITY to grow in profound ways.
Each time you go through the process from beginning all the way through, you develop new faculties, insights, and awarenesses and you elevate your consciousness. It's NOT always easy. It's rarely easy. That's why so few let go with grace and most people hold on to stuff that piles up as sediment in their psyche. If you allow the full process, you move through the next one with wisdom and lightness. Life becomes more beautiful and you become more powerful.
*Bonus tip: Be gentle with yourself! Take time out. It's part of the process of redefining yourself and repositioning yourself as the leader in your life!
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