You've met those people with a spark in their eye, a curiosity with no agenda.They carry poise and somehow being in their presence feels like you're looking in a mirror. Those with embodied poise are grounded in assurance inside and out because they're self-aware.
Everyone is a mirror for us to gain a deeper level of self awareness as to how we show up in the world. What do I need to learn about myself here? Doing an honest self assessment personally and professionally allows us to see how we show up in the world.
When you're clear on your value system and how congruent you are with your beliefs and actions, a self assessment tells you when you're on the mark. When we don't take time to reflect here our inner hidden conflicts fester into the Shadow.
How do you know if you're going deep enough to pull out the real blind spots in your self assessment? If you're familiar with Carl Jung's work on the 'Shadow,' he explains the shadow as the unconscious part of ourselves we do not identify with. In essence it's the annoying part of the other person we see who is really reflecting a part of ourselves we don't realize we've pushed far into the subconscious recesses of our minds-the parts we don't want to see or admit exist.
The person with embodied poise has a healthy relationship with their Shadow parts.
How does this happen? They take responsibility for their lives and are willing to look at the not so great parts and improve on them.
So what does taking responsibility for your results have to do with Rainmaking with Poise?
Those who take responsibility for their own results thrive. When you blame the economy, blame others, or blame your team or the weather, you shift responsibility which means you are no longer in control of your own results.
Establishing Inner Poise
Inner poise comes with empowered self responsibility. Inner poise wilts with a lack, victim, or scarcity mentality. Inner Poise is certainty that you are showing up and doing the best you can with what you've got while being committed to self-observation and personal growth.
Authenticity and Intention
Inner poise is authenticity. So how can you practice and be authentic at the same time? Intention.
Your intention -your agenda- has the power to make manifest where there was nothing before.
When you walk into a room with the intention to exchange with curiosity versus the intention to GET and persuade, you exude an energy people want to be around. Fully listening versus thinking, "how can I get them to be a referral source/client?" is not authentic and does not exude inner poise.
I was recently at a networking mixer and someone went out of their way to introduce me to a law firm partner who happened to be speaking to someone else. It was awkward for me and the whole thing felt strange. I did my best to be friendly and work with the energies. The conversation persisted.
I was being ignored. I was curious about their conversation and sensed the attorney was 'trying' to close business. I wanted to be respectful. Leaving felt as awkward as staying. I had to work with this situation- ever been there?
Here's an example of 'NON' Inner poise: For name's sake, let's call the law partner Sally and the potential new client Linda. I was introduced to Sally. Sally smiled and did her best to continue her conversation with Linda.
I was listening and asked questions with curiosity and due respect while assessing whether I was welcomed. Sally ignored me and didn't turn her glance off Linda. I sensed a pounce going on. If Sally had inner poise and was confident that Linda would become her client, she would would have comfortably done one of two things.
1. Hi Stephanie, it's a pleasure to meet you. I'd love to learn about you and connect and Linda and I are just wrapping up our conversation here in about 10 minutes, can I come find you when we're through?
I would have felt acknowledged, released, and positive about Sally and how gracefully she held her boundaries.
2. Hi Stephanie nice to meet you, Linda and I were just talking about her start up and the necessary legal implications of proceeding without cetain intellectual property protections in place and I was letting her know how our firm helps businesses like hers all the time. She has an interesting company. Linda ...
I would have felt included, welcomed, and certainly lit up about Sally's business. My ears would have perked up and immediately I could have thought of 5 people I know who need an IP attorney in a firm like Sally's.
Inner Poise and Boundaries
It's undisputed that we put off a vibe. A vibe consists of subtle energies. Someone with authentic inner poise is able to manage these energies, sense how to gracefully handle a situation without fear of lack or loss.
In the example above Sally was putting off a vibe of fear that she would or could possibly lose a potential client.
When you're grounded in poise and certainty, you manage people, expectations and situations with grace. It's not always easy but done tactfully, you will make an impact that will not go unnoticed.
If Sally was sufficiently committed to carrying on a conversation while ignoring me (when someone took the time -inappropriate or not - to walk me over to introduce us for Sally's benefit as well) she could have asserted clean boundaries as in the first example. I would have had a ton of respect for her.
If your desired outcome is to grow your practice, be a successful rainmaker, and build solid relationships, growing inner poise must be a goal. Self assessment, self observation and objective assessment -sometimes hired help is better- is essential to personal growth and inner poise.
Sally may not have known this but had she made a great impression on me -while making a great impression on Linda- I may have sent over a million dollars in business her way and she would also have Linda as a new client. She would have modeled excellence in front of a prospect which in and of itself carries value.
When you grow the seed of inner poise authentically from the inside out, you never have to worry who's watching. Just show up intentionally and be yourself and you'll gracefully manage energies while building relationships that grow your business and produce your desired outcomes.
Have you noticed the poise in people of influence? Have you noticed people who could use some tips on tact? Please share your comments below. We'd love to hear your experience as well...