A very sacred part of 'the exchange' has been removed from transactions in the western world. We buy and sell, give and take and leave very little space to honor what I call, Sacred Reciprocity.
We have all given and we have all received a gift in our lives that was full of intention and love.
It's conscious intention, love and integrity that convey the essence of Sacred Reciprocity.
A conversation between friends is best when there is sacred reciprocity- listening and holding space- being fully present when one is speaking and REALLY BEING there. This is sacred reciprocity.
Selling is a perfect playground for sacred reciprocity. When you have something you believe in, a solution, a tool, an offer you fully believe will benefit the other person, how can you not offer it? How can you withhold? When it comes to giving away services for free, how many of you give your time then feel resentment or some twinge of, "I could really have used that income." It cancels the gift.
Moreover, when you share a solution with someone, your time, your service, or your expertise, you are giving them the gift of opportunity -The opportunity to invest in themselves.
This idea is so foreign to us because we've been raised to want to 'get' things for free and 'get' the discount and save money. Of course saving money is wonderful yet we have completely distorted the essence of sacred reciprocity which gives the buyer the wonderful feeling of investing in themselves. And, moreover the opportunity to exercise integrity if they choose to decline. Integrity in a decline means closing the energetic loop opened when both parties consented to a conversation around needs and solutions.
There are 3 Parts to Sacred Reciprocity:
This looks uncanily like a contract! A contract requires and offer, acceptance and consideration ($ or value exchanged).
A Sacred Reciprocity offer is one where both parties have agreed there are needs and one has a solution. The one with the solution offers this to the one who has needs. Sacred reciprocity isn't so much the offer as it is the intention, the energy and the process of exchange. Listening, feeling, hearing, seeing and understanding are important parts to this step.
Sacred Reciprocity very much lives in the realm of gifting and often the consideration is love, friendship, or some other relational exchange.
A tip when offering your solution to someone's need is to make sure you are in Sacred Reciprocity with yourself. Make sure you're not undercharging, make sure you are in alignment with what you are giving and make sure you are grounded in your inner power coming from a place of integrity.
2. Acceptance or Decline
When you're in right relationship with yourself you honor the other person in an exchange. When both people come from a place of integrity, there is an understanding that an energy has been opened through an offer.
So often I engage in conversations with people struggling in their businesses and offer them a solution only to never hear from them again. For others it's a yes and we're on to Part 3, Consideration. Some people are clear it is not the right time for them to engage with my solution and they come forward and let me know. This closes the energetic circle that was opened with the consent of both people and forms a beautiful closure to the conversation.
One place to check in with yourself is to notice if you're someone who intentionally calls in a conversation and leaves it open by avoiding the conversation that says, "I'm not ready now," or "This is a no for me." When we're feeling fulfilled in our lives it's often a reflection of the energy we're putting out to the world- and one place to close the energy loop is in making sure you're owning your part in the energy of sacred reciprocity no matter what the outcome is.
Consideration is value exchanged. I've recently had several clients (almost at the same time) ask a question about pricing and the answer to all of them had every thing to do with sacred reciprocity. Are you in a fair exchange? Are you over delivering? Are you charging what you feel is a fair and lovely exchange? Does it feel like it's in sacred reciprocity? Are you in right relationship with the value exchange?
* * *
Following these three steps when engaging in an exchange will prevent resentment, prevent open ended energy loops that end up zapping energy from both sides of the exchange, and it will cause a windfall of abundance to land upon you! Yes abundance responds very quickly to sacred reciprocity on both sides of the coin (no pun intended).
So how can you tune the vibration of your exchanges up a notch (Both on the giving and receiving/ selling and buying ends)?
What are you doing that unbeknownst to you, is causing an energy leak in your revenue flow? What can you do to solve this challenge by applying the principle of Sacred Reciprocity?
Thank you thank you thank you!!!!
Be True to You!
The Influence of Support:
We all need friends, love, family, colleagues. We all need support. We're not meant to go at this life alone. When left to our own devices we may not always be our own best counsel. When it comes to making a choice or decision or moving out of a stuck place and especially when we need to stop manifesting cyclical situations causing unmitigated stress in our lives, having the RIGHT support is key.
(Photo: Care of Chrisy Love- This is her baby.)
Have you ever felt the pure love of a baby shift you out of a negative state? That's the right support in that moment. It's not likely you'll be triggered by something the baby says.
In coaching hundreds of professionals and in being a highly sensitive person myself, I see a need for the Pause. Pause before you reach out for support because no support is better then the wrong support.
Pause & Ask Yourself These 3 Questions:
1. Why am I called to reach out or talk to this person? Is it just because they're available, they always give me time, they love me, they want what's best for me, they know my story?
2. What kind of support do I really need and can this person give it to me? Not everyone is at a level of self-knowledge that they can answer this for themselves. Knowing whether you need support from someone who knows who you are striving to become, versus who you once were or appear to be now through their eyes, is an advanced skill and an important one to hone or you risk being held back by invisible hooks called 'the wrong support.'
3. What is the outcome I want from a conversation with this person? Do you want emotional support? Do you want them to collude with your story to validate how you feel? Do you want them to highlight a blindspot to help you make the right decision? Do you want them to make the decision for you? Do you want them to remind you what your higher self really wants and is in alignment with who you are striving to become? Do you want them to acknowledge you and hold you as powerful while helping you weight the benefits and costs?
We've all been in that place or that twist or bind and meditated, ruminated, or pondered our question, yet still felt the need to bounce it off of someone else. It helps to clarify our thoughts and reflect what we're feeling and helps us see beyond stress, confusion, doubt, worry, fear, or even absolute enthusiasm.
So what do we do? You call a parent- or you call your old friend who is always there for you yet you realize -only by the hallow feeling in your chest- that you made a mistake. When you're on the superhighway of personal evolution it's better to reach out for the RIGHT support than to reach out for any support. Different situations call for different support.
Sometimes you may just need some good lovin. That's not that same thing as a big life decision where you're looking for feedback and solid reflection.
Something quite fierce was recently weighing on me. I chose to be silent and listen from within. For a while this was fine and I was receiving the internal cues I needed to know I was on the right track.
Then a bit of anxiety came over and I needed to diffuse. I could have been calm and quiet and sought from within, I could have thought specifically who would be the RIGHT person to consult with in this very specific situation, or I could have paused long enough to take myself through the very decision making process I teach my clients. (super cool)
I didn't do any of the above. I fell back into an old habit and reacted.
I was stressed, driving, exhausted and it was a long day. I needed love, connection and support now. Do you know this feeling? I called someone who knows the old me- they have a vested interest in my success and happiness, they have their own way of seeing the world and although they've changed a lot over the years, they still may not have the same view of my agenda.
I called anyway.
Result? More anxiety, self doubt and all kinds of unreasonable what ifs.... I was better off not making that call. This person came from 100% good intention yet they were not the RIGHT support.
Remediation? Afterward... I reached out to a colleague who knows my Soul. Knows what takes me out, knows who I really am at the very core of my being and knows my purpose here in this life. She is the RIGHT support. I knew this friend was at a conference and my first thought was 'I won't bother her.'
Instead I decided to ask for what I needed and reached out to my colleague. The point is when we're up against a big decision or next move, sometimes our loved ones or other mentors who know us in a certain way are not the ones to give advice or reflection.
Know Your People
Know your 'Board of Directors' -your friends and trusted advisers who know your Soul, know your deepest desires, and potentially know your logistical situation are your Board. Assign them in advance so you know who to reach out to for what.
Receiving counsel and reflection from someone who can hold you as powerful, hold the vision of you who you truly desire to be, not who you were, and someone who understands your agenda and your Soul's agenda is mandatory if you want to move forward. Anything else keeps you stuck or pulls you back. Resonate?
If you don't have a community or at least one confidant who has your forward movement, your deep inner purpose or your highest potential at heart, hire a coach, an adviser, a consultant, a lawyer, a healer, an astrologist... in other words put together your spiritual and logistical support team and make sure they are as evolved or more evolved than you.
This may sound woo-woo- it's not. It's called 'being heard, being seen, being acknowledged for the true gifts you are here to actualize in this lifetime.' If you're in a place of big decisions and they are going to impact how you align with your purpose and future intent- you need some targeted and intentional counsel.
What does this mean for you? Do you resonate? When was the last time you reached out to the wrong person who just couldn't validate your feelings and give you the type of honest and powerful reflection you needed?
Sometimes we realize in -retrospect- we're feeling out of alignment with our circle of friends, the people who used to be on the same page, or the community we're surrounded by. Maybe you're personal evolution is happening more quickly than you realized. Who do you speak to now?
Book a session on my calendar right here $149. Yes, let's get to know each other and let's talk about who your counsel needs to be. We're not meant to do this all alone. What's the next step for you on your path to personal and professional evolution?
What's got you feeling stuck and who do you have to mastermind with about it?
I'm very serious about the importance of having the RIGHT support- sometimes this is the ONE thing that keeps us stuck and no one ever told you that the key is having the RIGHT support- someone who gets you, knows you, 'sees' your true self and can feel your soul and know how to help you move to your next step to unleash your highest potential. Sometimes we're gifted with friends like this- other times we're not.
Here's a splendid rare opportunity to privately coach with me in a 45 minute session for $149!
(40% Savings!) Here's how- follow the 'Invest Now' button below and you'll be redirected to special link with my calendar to schedule your session.
Special Support Session $149 (40% savings!)
I would love to hear your comments below. Does this post resonate? Do you ever fall into a default and reach out for the wrong support? What's the impact?
Stay True to You!
Transition can be stressful. Anything can be stressful. It doesn't have to be. The trick is learning how to hold the space. (seasons are transitions too)
(special invitation below)
Holding space is literal, proverbial, and energetic.
Starting new work, creating your own business, moving, relationship change, or any shift or transition can be intense. Stress is our reaction. It's not the thing itself.
Here are some tips to help you in transition so you:
1. Holding Space
Holding space is intentional. It requires awareness and taking a stand for who you are, what you do and what you need. Feeling grounded in who you are means your self-image- how you see yourself- matches your actions, words and expressions. When you're clear and grounded here, you won't be swayed by how 'others' see you.
2. Get Clear On These Two Questions:
"Who am I?" & "What do you do?"
If you're living an intentional life, on purpose - what you do is about who you are. When you're solid in who you are- identity- purpose- your unique gifts and talents- the core feeling of Soul in your work- then you'll show up more powerfully in everything you do- especially when you match that clarity with outward expression.
You''ll exude influence.
"What do You Do?"
I encourage you to dig deeper than just the title of your profession. (Ie. I"m a lawyer. Or I"m an employment lawyer.) We all know there are a hundred different areas in employment law- what's yours? What do you actually do for people? What special uniqueness do you bring to your work? Infuse purpose-even if your work is not your 'ideal purpose work.'
If you're in career transition - this is especially important because you're redefining your story, who you are becoming. Going in with clarity of expression will help you create the outcomes you want.
One thing you can be certain of is that you are perched in a wonderful space of rediscovery. "Hold this space intentionally."
3. Who are you becoming?
Take time for introspection to uncover what you value, who you wish to become and what story you would like to begin claiming as yours. It's your time to step into who you are becoming...
How do you do this?
The clarity of your message will increase your influence.
Your words- and how you hold yourself out in the world will be aligned internally. The benefits are not only that the right opportunities will flock to you, but a deep sense of peace, confidence, and groundedness will increase your inner power.
When you no longer have to worry, think or fret over these existential questions, or at least you come into right relationship with the process, you will have SOOooooo much energy available for increasing your powers of intuition, awareness and influence.
The truth is 1000% clarity isn't always the result of intention or strategy. It's knowing how to HOLD the clarity that does come while the rest is sorting itself out in divine timing -being in right relationship with the process -holding the space.
I can help you!
In my Leadership Branding with Archetypes Private Mini Virtual Retreat
Because my clients simply LOVE this part of their Private Elite Coaching Program, I decided to offer it for the very first time as a separate mini virtual retreat experience... read more here...
It's an awesome opportunity and will help you with clarity and STRATEGY FORWARD around:
Special OFFER for YOU!
This is all about ACKNOWLEDGING YOUR BRILLIANCE inside and out!
Leadership Branding with Archetypes Experience
This Leadership Branding with Archetypes Experience will help you finally:
Learn more here -
If you'd like to see if this is a fit for you, schedule a call on my calendar here or hit reply to this email. More clarity, and concise messaging means MORE INFLUENCE!
How often do you divert praise?
In 1998 I fell in love with a Brazilian martial art called Capoeira. I was captivated, committed and consistent. For almost 18 years I stayed the course, trained more than most. Sometimes 3x a day.
People thought I was quite good. I was oblivious. I diverted praise. I never felt good enough. I always wanted to be better. I never took in a compliment or felt grateful for praise. I didn't know how to hold that space of acknowledgment with in myself. If I landed a back handspring, I wanted a flip. Compliments would roll off my back and into the ethers.
When I changed, my world changed.
Do you divert praise? How do you hold self-acknowledgement?
As a society we've been taught not to be arrogant, don't be egotistical, don't brag... we all have our own story around 'not' being able to 'take a compliment,' or how we change the subject, avert or dilute the praise. Can you relate?
We discount ourselves by not fully receiving a gift- not out of a modest intention to divert praise, but out of a real block within ourselves to acknowledge and hold sacred ALL of our accomplishments- both large and small. Do you do this?
Seeking acknowledgment outside of ourselves-from others is one default reaction when we're unable to hold this space for ourselves. As humans it's natural to want approval. Sometimes we don't see the thumbs up when they're there.
Seeking approval outside of ourselves becomes dominant when we haven't cultivated our ability to acknowledge ourselves for achievements and success. We were born with the gift of knowing we're great. It's innate. Somewhere along the way some other message changed the program of the mixed tape running our subconscious mind and our capacity to notice and appreciate our own brilliance may have gone out the window- some or many parts.
I had this blind spot for a long time. It wasn't until I was able to fully realize how much I had been discounting my accomplishments for the simple fact of not seeing them, that I was able to implement actions to train a different response. Guess what happened. Different outcomes. When we acknowledge our achievements we attract more of what we want.
Why might this be? Because everyone of us wants to be acknowledged. It's a part of human nature. It's ok. It's good. We have to give it to ourselves first.
How do you acknowledge and celebrate yourself if you don't see or notice your own accomplishments? I've given some steps below that may be helpful. I'd love to hear your comments if these work for you.
Here are 3 Steps to See Your Accomplishments When You Just Can't See Them:
Step One: Commit to acknowledging yourself for small successes and track at least 3 daily. Intentionally receive compliments and be systematic about tracking acknowledgments that come to you daily. You'll begin to stretch your ability to hold acknowledgment which will help reprogram your default response. Soon you will see your wins more easily. Do this daily for a week and see what happens!
Step Two: When you notice yourself wanting to discount yourself- "It wasn't anything really." "I still haven't ____" or any other form of self deprication- quickly course correct. Set your intention and stick to it. Recommit daily to this commitment and day by day you'll rebuild your automatic subconscious response strategy and soon you'll stop discounting yourself completely.
Step Three: Notice how your outcomes change. When you compliment yourself and receive and hold compliments from others, your outer world will change. Negative self talk will no longer be a blind-spot. You'll hear it and see it like a mouse running around your house. You'll trap it and release it and seal your house so it doesn't return. Rinse and repeat. Watch your world change in front of your eyes! This is the law of cause and effect which is the basis of the simple yet powerful law of manifestation. Its always influencing your outcomes- either positively, negatively or neutrally.
The powerful reflection of my word shifted when I began to fully embrace my impact on others and my brilliant gifts. I see this with my clients as well- and then the email rolls in- "I get it, I totally how I'm showing up differently and it's reflecting in my world from the inside out!!!" (melts my heart every time!)
When I speak of how we INFLUENCE our OUTCOMES- and how the reality of our existence is a mere reflection of our inner world- I am not spouting fluff- it IS the LAW of MANIFESTATION - the UNIVERSAL LAW of CAUSE & EFFECT. It's simple and complex, real and truth.
When you understand how you are influencing your world- and truly shift your beliefs about yourself and your accomplishments -the more rapidly your world changes from the inside out. How does this land for you? Where are you discounting your brilliance? What are you willing to do about it?
Comment below if this resonated for you! Share an acknowledgment and allow us to hold space for you!
Be True to You,
In response to this Harvard Business Review Article- poignant and palatable... The Very Real Dangers of Executive Coaching, ....
"Executive/ Leadership- coaching in general demands a holistic approach -full body, mind, soul, business, relationships, money, power, law, universal law, influence... all these portals on the table- you've got to be able to hold the space."
I believe a special and holistic method is needed for coaching influential executives at the top tier and I'm taking a stand for it once and for all. I've been coaching since 2008 while in legal practice (and full time since 2011). I've not only gone through umpteen coach trainings and certifications, I've gone through the dark night of the soul myself...um, more than once....
My real coaching mojo comes from my practice as an energy medicine practitioner, intuitive and hardcore empath- which helps me understand the nuances (issue spotting is my lawyer skill which comes in very handy) ... of the body, the energy body, the soul and the psyche. As for communication coaching- my mediation (not meditation -but that too) background elevates the conversation.
I'm not one for blatant self promotion in this manner, though perhaps this article will help someone who holds themselves back because they have a secret fear people will laugh them out of the gate...and in the meantime serve as a cathartic truth telling for myself.
I've worn so many hats I forget who I'm 'being' at times. I forget to be me, wholly integrated with all parts- human rights earth keeper, corporate lawyer, divorce mediator, health coach, elite athlete and peak performance coach, business coach, shaman healer- I mean yeesh, these are a lot of people to be!
It's exhausting when I feel fragmented or unwilling to BE FULLY ME out of fear the corporate and legal environment isn't yet ready to embrace the perspective and angle I'm bringing to the table. It's needed now. There is a risk. There's always a risk when we are built for greatness. So where are you holding back to forgo the risk? What are you afraid of?
I coach my clients on this very thing. I am human. I am an expert witness on the powers of unleashing our maximum potential as the fully integrated embodiment of presence. Executive/ Leadership- coaching in general demands a holistic approach -full body, mind, soul, business, relationships, money, power, law, universal law, influence... all these portals on the table- you've got to be able to hold the space.
When coaching someone to forge pass their comfort zone or initiate behavioral and relational changes in their business, their organizations or in their personal lives, there is often a fair amount of sediment stirred in the psyche. When trauma or some other past event has been stored for a while, a coach must be aware if a trip wire is switched. Coaching is a big responsibility. A coach must have impeccable integrity to know when they are not qualified to serve in the highest interest of their client and make proper recommendations.
Before hiring a coach/mentor- I recommend you interview your coach on their background- and be sure they're equipped to hold space for you in the intimate way that will guide your progress- NOT send you deeper into despair... Our psyches are the delivery mechanism for our Souls. And guess what- all these parts- the integrated parts- want to show up in business. That's real influence. We don't want to mess with people's Souls- we want to guide them into full expression, actualization and manifestation while benefiting all players in the hand.
Blessings - you know where to find me for you personally, for your organization or to 'fix' a situation left by someone who didn't quite hold the space....
Leadership Coach, Business Strategist, Power Activator
"There is a whole world -or worlds- we don't see- the unseen- the unknown unkown-
above, below, and in between."
"When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change." Dr. Wayne Dyer
When you visit with the sheer radiance and mythical perfection, of nature, you align with a sense that life is so much bigger and more profound than your job, your business, your career, your family, yourself. There is a whole world -or worlds- we don't see- the unseen- the unknown unkown- above, below, and in between.
What does this expanded sense of possibility and untapped package of resources mean for you? Where are you struggling in this very moment that you can stop, close your eyes, breath and know... you are invited to tap into other worlds, layers, possibilities, dimensions and resources- ones you have not yet contemplated or believed to be true?
What kind of support is really here for you? What do you NEED to release so you may have full access to the infinite supply?
Comment below- do you have an example of when you've changed your perception and as a result a huge problem became an opportunity?
If you want more influence in your world - more clients, more income, more acknowledgment, more of those little perks others seem to get with no problem, commit to your personal development beginning with a crazy honest self inquiry.
Here's one place to start: Know what you're a stand for no matter what.
Do you know what you're a stand for no matter what? When a new client enters my world I want to know what they are a stand for no matter what. This way I hold them to their compass when life happens -which it always does. This is what helps me hold space and help them navigate the deep end.
To create change in your life, you need to know what you unequivocally stand for. Otherwise, you'll be tossed around like a leaky boat without a rudder and no compass to course correct.
When you know what you're a stand for, you have a compass to measure when you're off course.
How do you measure your growth in life? Are you achieving what you set out to do? When you know what you stand for no matter what, you can check in with that thing and ask:
"Where am I not being true to myself? Where am I out of integrity with what I'm a stand for?"
If you've ever been lost in the woods, the desert, or anywhere for that matter- and had the privilege of a little device called a compass- (better yet a map and a compass) - then you know how valuable it is to help you course correct.
A moral compass has the same value.
I'm a stand for integrity and truth no matter what. Ask people what you can count on about 'Stephanie' and they'll tell you, "She'll tell you the truth no matter what."
When I first heard someone say that- I was a bit taken aback. Hmmm people see that. Well isn't it interesting because I AM a stand for the truth no matter what.
Here are 2 reasons why knowing what you're a stand for can help you change your results:
Reason # One
Reason # TWO
*Heads up- a crazy honest self inquiry is not for the faint at heart. It's a real 'come to clarity' opportunity to see it, own it, and make a plan to change it. (whatever 'it' is for you that is taking you off course)' We are gifted with new moments and new mornings to re-commit, start anew, and forge ahead on purpose living our truth and that thing we are a stand for no matter what.
What are you a stand for no matter what? How would you become more influential if you held yourself to this standard ALL the time?
* Join me over here on Facebook where I post daily 'Power Shots' - downloads for the collective committed to their personal evolution and their professional revolution!
Be True to You!
PS: Increasing our influence is about improving performance, ourselves, and our consciousness. The results show up as an INCREASE in every area of our lives.
Knowing where you are is the best place to begin your INCREASE- What's Your Score When it Comes to Influence? Your Influence Factor Self Assessment Quiz will help you discover your strengths and blindspots .... Take the Quiz below...
Do people do what you want them to do as if you had a magic potion beaming forth from your eye? Are you someone who influences others?
INFLUENCE defined: *"The power to cause changes without directly forcing them to happen" (*Merriam Webster Online Dictionary)
Influence is your key. It connects you to your inner power and your ability to shape your desired outcomes. We're always influencing our outcomes through our intricate belief system.
The question isn't: "Can you influence others and outcomes" - it's "How are you influencing them?"
Positive Influence gets you more...more clients, more income, the raise, the promotion, more opportunities, more of your desired outcomes, more of the goodies...
Influence is a result of 'who' you are. Influence is what other people let you do.
Persuasion on the contrary, is what you 'do' to others to get them to do what you want. Growing your Influence Factor™ means growing yourself. When you decide to become the kind of person that others respond to, they will give you the opportunity to influence them.
Positive influence grows with integrity. Influence by integrity increases your magnetism. People want to be around you. People want to refer you clients, they want to say yes and invest in you, they want to include you in their circle, they want to help you get what you want.
To increase your positive influence, remove the inner conflict.
A self-assessment is helpful to uncover where you may have blocks or hidden negative beliefs about influencing others. (Money and influence assessment) Do you detest sales? Are you resentful of people who seamlessly compel you to comply with their requests?
If you intentionally desire to increase your influence you can't secretly detest the thing you desire and expect it to flow authentically. NOW is your opportunity to uncover and clear inner conflicts.
Clearing the inner conflict creates space to cultivate the art of influence.
Can you cultivate this intangible mirage called influence? While some people are innately endowed with it's captivating spell others can absolutely learn the technique, skill and art of influence.
Children are amazing influencers. Unfortunately this brilliant characteristic is hammered out of so many at a young age. As confidence declines, influence declines.
To cultivate a robust bank of influence, build self-confidence and clear any inner hidden conflict resembling a dislike for people who compel you to act, influence you, sell to you or the like. You're about to step into a whole new version of you- and you'll want to really like who you're becoming!
Increasing your positive influence means growing yourself. Growing yourself begins with a self assessment. I've got a tool coming soon that will help you figure this out! Stay tuned!
In the meantime, how's your influence when it comes to money? Take a Money Archetype Self-Assessment here (space is limited)...
Thoughts? Comments? What's your tip on influencing outcomes? Please share or comment below!!!
Building Your Emotional Immune System...
Emotion is a system. It's complex and and vast, beautiful and ugly, light and dark, freedom or bondage. As humans we get to experience this amazing spectrum of feeling, sensing, loving, being, and we have the opportunity to choose how we respond emotionally.
Easier said than done right?
Emotions are a muscle. More often than not, our feelings are a choice triggered by subconscious
conditioning, sometimes so deeply buried from view, it seems impossible to control the 'joy' stick.
Why is this?
How do we take charge of the 'joy' stick? How do we build our Emotional Immune System so that it's robust, powerful and working for us instead of against us?
First is to acknowledge the beauty and gift in the sheer array of emotional and sensory responses we as humans do get to experience.
That in itself is a miracle. Next is to realize emotions are information. They give us clues that something is right or not right. If it's not right it doesn't mean it's wrong. Got that? You're not wrong! There is nothing wrong with you.
Emotions are working 'for' us not against us. Just like life (circumstances) are happening 'for' you not 'to' you. This one little nugget-if fully digested- will change your life.
It may not happen over night. It's a process of integration.
Second is to understand that emotions are information. We have a super intelligent subconscious mind with a brilliant mechanism for implementing the strategy placed in it. The executed strategy produces circumstances.
Circumstances cause emotions. Emotions also cause circumstances. Being fully aware of what causes certain emotions, and why this 'what' causes them, will allow you to step into observer and observe as information.
The information revealed helps you understand your subconscious mind's strategy which was likely developed when you were very young. This strategy was a coping mechanism and may be the furthest thing from logical today. It probably doesn't serve you anymore and the good news is
you can change it.
A cognitive discussion about how you're 'feeling' may not always avail you of the blueprint in your subconscious mind.
As we commit to our journey of personal growth and stretch outside our comfort zones, we come up against our edges- those uncomfortable places challenging us to forge ahead or stop in our tracks.
If we stop in our tracks, emotional information may be revealed. With this information we can make intentional choices that allow us to bust out of old paradigms and belief systems that no longer serve us. These are the 'take a big swig of f#%k it and jump' moments. If we stop in our tracks and numb ourselves- we miss the opportunity to grow.
Some people have a strong emotional immune system and take those leaps over and over. Sometimes they fall, sometimes they thrive. It's the act of jumping and realizing (evidence) they didn't die- that reprograms the subconscious strategy.
It's never too late to build your emotional immune system. It starts by making a decison. Life will change when you make this decision. It's part of the intentional journey. If we do this sort of thing alone, we don't always find the causal seed that set the blueprint (strategy) in motion way back when.
Why would we create a strategy that doesn't serve our highest expression and most powerful potential?
Remember, this strategy was perfect at the time it was planted, seeded, or caused. It's not always obvious and not always uncovered through a cognitive conversation. I recommend working with an objective (skilled) person who can hit those blind spots because your subconscious mind is programmed to keep you blind from them ON PURPOSE!!!
Is this making sense?
Your subconscious mind has a job- protect you, keep you safe and feeling loved. When the strategy was planted way back when, it may have done the job in that moment. The thing is... the same default may still be playing and causing quite the opposite.
This strategy served you at one point. It may no longer serve you now. You get to decide and break into the operating system to change the strategy. It begins with intention then a decision to start and soon you will build a robust emotional immune system while honing your powers of self awareness.
The law of causation is: but for this then that. Understanding how the law of cause and effect impacts you, your thoughts, your emotions and your life, empowers you to create change.
In other words, the circumstances (and your emotional responses) in your life right now would not be the case but for the subconscious strategy / blueprint placed in your mind long ago.
Now, I'm not talking to everyone here. Many people have super strong emotional immune systems and have transcended the old program through their lives. Many others are still wearing the old imprints and unaware. Some have only a few remnants.
Everyone can use an upgrade.
We're not even scratching the surface of our potential. By understanding the law of causation and how it effects the circumstances in your life- and your emotional responses, you're actually unleashing a new level of potential.
This concept may take a bit of getting used to before you really integrate and embody the full understanding of how it's playing out in your life. Go EASY here! This is deep. Honor your emotional immune system as you enter these halls.
More power and influence reside on the other side. I'm here for you. Word of advice, don't walk this path alone.
Synopsis: We are living under the law of causation, meaning we are truly responsible for everything in our lives. We get to change our outcomes when we take responsibility-fully.
I'd love to hear from you! Do you have any advice to add on strengthening the emotional immune system? Comment below!
Or if you'd like to have a private breakthrough conversation with me (no cost) then send me private note here.
"Circumstances do not make the man, they reveal him to himself." James Allen
Purify your mind. Often.
Articulate the unspeakable.
You always know.
What you want to know as Truth.
Are you fully expressing the immensity of the gifts and talents with which you've been endowed?
To walk around with knowledge and truth -an inner knowing of who you really are and what you really want to say- and have to pretend it is not so-to squelch the breadth of your power and enormity of your presence- and fit into a mold, a paradigm, an idea of what you think (and everyone around you thinks) is supposed to be only to KNOW you are so much more. Inner conflict ensues and fuels the law of cause and effect and self fulfilling prophecies.
The great news ~ YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU THINK and YOU CAN SHIFT THIS PATTERN Today and OWN Your POWER.
So here is the message to say to yourself - morning, noon and night. Here is the reminder that you are unfathomably more powerful than you believe.
"Release, be you, say it, be brave, be free, be wise and be you. If we had a world full of yous allowed to be you- who you and they really are, we would have a powerful world of unleashed potential. We'd have truth with a new meaning. We'd emanate a vibration that would upgrade the heavens. We'd have a world of confident purposeful evolved beings holding space for the next level and evolution of phenomenal. What layer can you release today that doesn't belong to the real you?"
Now here's the key, anything in its purest form has a dark form. Whilst we live among dark energies, we empower our light to walk with protection. We empower our hearts to love more. It is only in this self love that we can know the truth of who we are. It is in this truth that you will find your upgrade.
What is an upgrade? It's a new level of you. The reflection of personal evolution. An upgrade unlocks your potential- physically, intellectually, spiritually, and psychically. An upgrade connects you to the Universal Intelligence. You suddenly understand. You suddenly solve problems and make quick decisions. You shed a layer of fear. The fear that shows up in old patterns of how you do you. An upgrade introduces you to a new you. If you are ready to receive.
Caveat: There is always the possibility of a downgrade.
Evolution is not always easy. It is always beautiful. Evolution is a focus on transcending the old and stepping into the new. These words are empty for those who place a fork in their road and exit the superhighway of transformation. Sure it may seem easier. Though it's impossible to reach the same destination.
These words articulate the unspoken for those who've surged a lifetime of complicity with the dark night of the soul. It is in this journey to the light one realizes that the way out is an epic evolution.
When we submit and let the rumble go, we are offered a new power...a new level of power to step into the next level- yes level it is-of ourselves. The time of integrating the new power, awareness, intuition, ability to 'see', or physical manifestations of peak levels of performance, is the most critical time of growth. Sometimes it's so unfamiliar to be this powerful we lose the way, we drop the ticket, and slip back into the slumber we were in before. Now we carry a few badges of victim honor.
When we own it, claim it, understand it and wield it- this new power, we will have our purpose, mission, message, gift and talent fully revealed. We will have the necessary power and resources to facilitate the actualization of this mission. It doesn't have to be grand in the scheme of things. The mission may be wash the dishes. It's how we do it.
When we're here at this level we know anything and everything that happens, happens for us, for a reason, for the learning. It's our opportunity to decode the signs and messages in our lives. Upgrade yours. Take responsibility, have more integrity, be congruent and impeccable with your word, see the unseen, ask the unasked, listen to your voice. Inside your soul is speaking to you.
THERE IS NO LIMIT TO YOUR POTENTIAL!
8 Secret Tips to Apply When You Must Let Go...
We are always being told: 'let go' of that which no longer serves you, if you love it let it go, let go of this and that. I tell people this too! But how? How do we let go and move on?
How do we let go when our beliefs are so intricately designed to keep us holding on? Or how do we let go of connection and love when we're told to stay connected and keep an open heart? How do we let go of relationships when we care and have compassion? How do we let go of patterns and defenses that have kept us safe for so long?
When it comes time to let go- of a job, a career, a decision, a business, a partner, a lover, a child, a memory, a mindset, a belief, an identity, a regret, a resentment, what is the trick? A band-aid will not do the job. We need instructions to mend our hearts, give us wings, restore faith, increase gravity beneath our wings, and to give us the will to move on.
Growing and moving through transition is confusing and scary. When done voluntarily it can be down right terrifying and heartachingly painful. Sometimes we make decisions knowingly that will lead us to this place. Sometimes they're made for us.
Begin by setting the intention that the outcome is for the highest good of all (this is HARD when emotions are involved yet ever so powerful!)
I let go of things daily. Weekly. I am constantly asking what no longer serves me or what old beliefs are still lingering around my habitat that no longer match who I am becoming. I have my process for letting go. Yet when a person leaves or a situation suddenly changes- or likewise when a person enters and old patterns no longer fit this new situation- there is often a moment where a decision has to be made to let go or suffer. Letting go may feel like suffering at times yet it is really a pathway through to a new you. Growing pains. The other type of suffering is a dead end place of disempowerment that serves no one.
I have recently been through a situation where I had to let go. Everyday a new round of letting go has to happen, sometimes the letting go has to continue all day. Letting go isn't always a one shot decision and poof. Letting go is a process. You come up with your own instructions. When done with grace and intention you move through your situation with a powerful healing and elegant up-leveling at the core of who you are.
Here are my 8 Most Powerful Secrets to Letting Go:
1. You don't have to know how to let go and resolve your situation to let go. There may be no resolution but for each moment to let go and continue to release what needs to be released. Letting go begins with intention.
2. Give yourself a good cry. There is no reason not to feel what needs to be felt. If it brings up emotion- crying is the most beautiful way to release and let go while honoring the way you feel. You deserve to feel how you feel. Allow your feelings to flow through and out - Caveat: You don't want to direct these feelings at another person or thing. Blaming another while you're releasing emotion isn't really letting go- it's redirecting. If there is hurt, hold the person or thing in your thoughts and intentionally let go and release all your emotion with the intention that the highest outcome for the good of all is restored.
3. Be in integrity with your values. Sometimes when we're in a sticky situation involving others, we throw our value bag out the window. We say things we don't mean and we step onto the Triangle of Disempowerment (Victim, Perpetrator or Rescuer) without being mindful. When we're on this triangle, we're not able to fully honor the truth of our situation and let go from a place of equanimity. While equanimity may be the goal- it's not always where we are when we're in the pain or difficulty of a situation. Being mindful of where our consciousness is at all times in this process is important. Sometimes we need to feel pity for ourselves or blame someone else for a minute- fine- for a minute bring it up and out and let it go. Then come back to yourself and back to integrity.
4. Honoring what just happened. Sometime we forget ceremony and ritual. These are powerful ways to focus with intention on healing a situation, honoring the parts and letting them go. Honoring the people involved- even if they hurt you- is a way to bring about your best possible outcome. Even in the process of letting go and feeling, we're manifesting. We're constantly manifesting! When your intention is for the best possible outcome for all involved, you can place yourself in the shoes of the other and honor their position. You may not think they're right or agree with them. You may not have gotten what you wanted, yet you can still honor that there is something better coming to you even through this difficult time no matter what. Acknowledging this truth means you're able to honor what just happened and still expect the best possible outcome (even if the facts don't seem to present that truth right now).
5. Speaking your truth. Saying what needs to be said and hearing what needs to be heard also means feeling what needs to be felt. Sometimes - being vulnerable and speaking your truth from a place of compassion is the most powerful healing force on the planet. Put aside the fear of being judged. Put aside the fear of being too nice, or too this or that...and speak your truth from that place of integrity. Speaking your truth takes courage.
6. Let go of being right. Being happy, healed and resolved is more important than being right. Know what's right in your heart and find validation where you'll find it- in people you can trust. If a situation is not fair and you're going to waste energy attempting to be right, evaluate where you put your energy. Let go of being right, by knowing you're perfect and it's all good. Once you've done 1-5 above, it's going to be really easy to let go of being right.
7. Letting go means you're going to go through different stages of emotion. Expect it! This is probably the coolest secret of letting go. If you really lean into the process and allow it to unfold, one day you may feel love the next day you feel anger. You may have dreams that elude to subconscious behaviors that are keeping you stuck and holding on, then you'll experience sadness... it's a mixed bag and depends on your psyche. Your process of letting go is unique to you. It's artistry and grace when you allow and expect variation. Be compassionate with yourself. Allow the feelings, notice the changes, and know this will pass IF you keep allowing and keep letting go.
8. Be mindful of myths and stories. When we're feeling pain or hurt, anger, sadness, an empty space where there was someone or something before, a lack or taking away of something valuable or important, we and our brilliant minds tend to create all kinds of stories in our heads. Sometimes they're true and sometimes they're not. They're usually as true as you allow them to be. You create your reality with every thought. When you have brought sufficient honoring to a situation it's rather hard to create a horror story. Often our stories put us back on that Triangle of Disempowerment (Victim, Perpetrator or Rescuer). Just be aware of the story you're telling yourself and others about what just happened, or what happened in the past. Create a new story. Create the story of the most empowered you and take responsibility for what happens next!
There you have it! It's not a recipe, it's a workbook. You're process is a work in progress. Each thing, person, event, belief, mindset, issue, pain, or thing you let go of is an OPPORTUNITY to grow in profound ways.
Each time you go through the process from beginning all the way through, you develop new faculties, insights, and awarenesses and you elevate your consciousness. It's NOT always easy. It's rarely easy. That's why so few let go with grace and most people hold on to stuff that piles up as sediment in their psyche. If you allow the full process, you move through the next one with wisdom and lightness. Life becomes more beautiful and you become more powerful.
*Bonus tip: Be gentle with yourself! Take time out. It's part of the process of redefining yourself and repositioning yourself as the leader in your life!
Comments below please! Was this helpful at all?
How do we get what we want? The Law of Cause and Effect. How do we change? Negotiate.
Cause: Long ago your life experience began implanting a strategy in your subconscious mind to protect you from harm. How perfectly this part of your brain works! That's it's job- keep you safe. At times you may want different things than are showing up for you in life, however, your subconscious mind may be hijacking the desires of your conscious mind. How does this look in real time?
Let's take business or sales for example. You have to promote yourself and sell, negotiate or win on your position. You have a subconscious abhorance for arrogant people. Somewhere in time you've been taught (parents, loved ones, teachers....) that it is arrogant to self promote and arrogant to be a sales person. Somewhere else in time you made a connection to a transaction involving money to sales and connected this to arrogance. Ok, so now somewhere deep in your subconscious mind it's arrogant to sell your position.
Now you're finding it hard to 'convince' people why you're right, it's down right impossible to close a sale and forget about raising your fees because "you're not really worth that much" (cancel cancel!)
Effect: The effect shows up as our circumstances. When we are feeling in alignment we are usually aligned in our subconcious and concsious desires. The goal is to align these two in all areas of your life. When we're not getting what we want in life, we can trace the effect to the cause and transform the root. It's not easy. It takes courage, commitment and decision.
Most people don't go here voluntarily and for most of us, the subconscious strategy is to trick you and make it difficult to see the patterns designed to create the exact effects in life you're getting. In fact- we are usually getting what we don't want!
What we don't want consciously is what we want subconsciously! You may be pissed off by hearing that. That's where the transformation lies...being willing to trace the links in your chain of causation to understand WHY and CHANGE it INTENTIONALLY! How do we do this? We have to negotiate with our subconscious mind.
We have to understand the story and the links in the chain. Your subconscious mind wants to keep the status quo and it will go out of it's way to do so. I highly recommend working with a blind spot spotter (I'm good for this!) to help you navigate these paths. What you don't want to know you will not easily see.
Negotiate: Negotiate with your subconscious mind to change the strategy placed in it. How do you negotiate? You need to know what the other side wants. You need to know why it wants what it wants and have a strategy to give it what it thinks it wants while getting what you say you want. How?
"We get what we negotiate not what we deserve." I read this quote in a magazine on a plane long ago and it stuck. I've made a study of how the circumstances in my life measure what I say I want. In becoming super tuned in to the nuances of my own psyche and psychic tendencies, I also read why others get what they get when they say they want something totally different.
Life is not happening to you. It's happening for you. When you connect the links in the chain of causation, you find the root cause by unlocking parts of your subconscious mind. For some, the answers are close to the surface- or even in the conscious mind. For others, it's a deep dive to uncover why you're getting the results you're getting and why you're attracting situations and circumstances that don't match what you say you want.
It's not always obvious because much of the time your subconscious mind trumps your conscious desire. What you think you want is not what your subconscious mind always wants and unless your desires are intentionally and strategically focused and followed by actions to override your subconscious programming, you may keep getting what you always got and NOT what you think you want. BUT WHY WOULD THIS BE SO?
Your subconscious mind is constantly giving you ideas and strategies to give you what it needs to comply with the strategy placed in it. When you were very young you developed coping mechanisms, beliefs about how the world works, beliefs about what money means and how to hold space for money, ask for it, demand what you need, hold boundaries (or not), give and receive love, how to move in this world.
I've spent decades studying myself and others through coaching, the practice of law, energy medicine techniques, spiritual learning and mentorship, and studying brain science. Year after year of rewiring my subconscious mind I would keep getting the old thing. My determination led me to understand the law of cause and effect -not from a cognitive perspective but from real time experience.
The old strategy was so strong I didn't realize how many blind spots there were. My commitment to personal transformation in every area of my life (some areas came easy while others were completely hidden from view) means I ALWAYS work with someone else who can see my blind spots- pull me forward- show me what I don't even know I don't know and thus- activate my full potential.
Why change the root cause? You don't have to. You can keep blaming the Universe for your results and circumstances in life. Or you can decide you want to activate your full potential and be willing to hear what needs to be heard, feel what needs to be felt and see what needs to be seen- to transform at the root level and blow yourself out of the water with your true power. Ready? Willing? Able?
Comment below! I'd love to hear how you're receiving this and what comes up for you!!! Want that free session with me to see what's really going on for you? Contact me here
I speak to so many extraordinarily talented attorneys, entrepreneurs, business owners and leaders. Sometimes I wonder if they know how amazing they really are! Have you ever stopped to take stock of how amazing you are?
I take my clients through various exercises- simple things they just never did- that helps them assess their true skills, talents, unique gifts, and special mojo (I call these super powers). It's a true gift to witness people wake up to their genius- their brilliance- their personal greatness.
Then the work begins. Usually there is a little voice in their (our) subconscious mind telling them (us) to quiet down, stop tooting your own horn, don't be so arrogant, ugh I hate people who self-promote- don't do it!, stop bragging....
You know what I'm talking about?
Ok so here's the scoop. I'm calling bullshit. Does a Zebra prance the plains feeling ashamed at its stripes? NO. Does a Jaguar dim her flame when a Rhino enters the space? Does a Lemur feel embarrassed for being small?
Really? We're animals with big egos that take us out. We're here to actualize our full potential in this lifetime and if you're not the biggest advocate for your natural gifts and talents, plus hard earned skills and knowledge, then who is? Most people want OTHERS to toot their horn for them, as if it's less egotistical to secretly desire someone else toot their horn for you than toot your own? The bottom line is you still want your horn tooted.
If you have a VISION of where you want to be, if you have INTEGRITY and you're standing in the truth of your power, you can use your VOICE to AUTHENTICALLY announce to the world- with grace and humility- that you're more than amazing, you are phenomenal. Being in ALIGNMENT with your true nature - not stuffing it down with some story that says you shouldn't let others know how great you are- actually EMPOWERS other people. You empower them to toot their horn!
So go ahead, list your talents, list your gifts, list your unique mojo that feeds your super power, list your degrees, training, know how and awesome character traits- then sit back, read it over and toot your horn.
Market yourself. Promote yourself. Position yourself. Where are you holding back and what are the consequences? What's the pay raise your missing? How would/ could you increase your fees? Be considered for promotion or a different business track? What opportunities are you limiting yourself from? What do you not even realize you're limiting? (This is where my clients really start having fun -because you don't know what you don't know. And when you learn it, you can't unlearn it.) The rest is history!
If you can't advocate that intensely for yourself, then call me. We'll change that- because I'm an advocate for your greatness and for the full activation of your superpowers no matter what!
Comment below please! What makes you great?
Intuition improves sales, makes you better at your job, better at negotiating, better at reading people, understanding situations, listing (and hearing), and taking action with certainty.
1. Intuition is a muscle
Intuition is a muscle and like any muscle to serve to it's highest capacity it must be worked out, trained and nourished. To work out this muscle requires contemplation, time, attention, intention, and focus. It's not a secret -some people are psychic, can read or see things others can't. They may have been born more sensitive (I was) yet their light may be dimmed as much as someone else's light was never turned on.
The workout is unique for each individual. Start by connecting with yourself. You have to know yourself, your inner nuances and what makes you tick. You've got to be tuned into to your own inner guidance system to be able to read others.
2. Sales/ Negotiation
Intuition helps you read people and situations. You can adjust a sales conversation, ask the right questions, hold space for the individual or group you're speaking with in a much more powerful way when you can intuitively read the energy 'in the room.' People want to win. Intuition allows you to 'read' the situation and position your offer in a way that helps the other feel like they've won something.
3. Trusting your inner power
We live in a world with more disempowering messages than reminders of your amazing inner power. To build trust in how powerful you are, you must become intimate with disempowering mindsets in your default programming. These are the inner conflicts and beliefs that knock you off your game. How do you do this? It's a process. It depends where you are on the journey. Start by becoming self aware when you speak to people-notice what you say. Notice how you carry yourself, how you stand, the words you speak. Inner Power is a muscle as well. You can build the reserves to move mountains or you can give it away at the drop of a dime. Inner power is choice.
Step One is choosing to know you're amazing, you're powerful, you deserve what you want, your voice deserves to be heard. Step Two is deciding to take a stand for yourself and trusting yourself to empower your boundaries. Create a new daily practice of remembering your choice and decision that you are powerful and know this: "You are always more powerful than you think."
When you commit to build your muscle of intuition, start listening more closely, hearing beneath the surface, and taking the 3 action steps above daily and soon you'll empower your certainty in the one thing you've got that you're barely using a fraction of- Your Intuition!
Got comments? Please share below...
What wins do you notice come from your intuitive muscle? What's one area you'd like to become more intuitive in and what are you doing to achieve this success?
There is a paradigm shift happening in business.
Take the most antiquated professional service –law- and look at the business model. There is no shortage of articles, courses or consultants floating about teaching how to implement creative pricing strategies that flip the billable hour model.
This is a major paradigm shift and a HUGE opportunity.
A paradigm is a set of rules, beliefs or assumptions by which a society lives. As an attorney (who left the practice of law, recovered, and recalibrated) I’ve immersed myself in the world of entrepreneurism. My findings show that lawyers, leaders and newly minted entrepreneurs are not all leveraging the ‘new paradigm' to their advantage and the effects are detrimental.
Why? People are stuck in the way things ‘should’ be done, always were done, or the way they think they’re supposed to be done. These are just ideas. A better idea is to implement new, creative, and lucrative business models and pricing strategies that result in more money, more fun, more joy and more ease. I didn’t say work/life balance on purpose.
Creating your own paradigm –obviously within the parameter of ethics in your industry- means you don’t need to separate work and life (work life balance) because you love what you do and you create a lifestyle that allows you to be who you really are in your business and personal life.
Living an authentic life means you create your life on purpose. You decide what you want and what you don’t want. You compromise enough to succeed and help others succeed but you don’t compromise on big things like how you want to work, with whom you want to work, and how and what you do for work. How do you do this? Creative business models and pricing strategies.
Mavericks (risk takers) are willing to challenge the status quo.
You do need a little bit of maverick mojo to adopt a new business model and implement creative billing strategies. Why? Because people resistant to change (non-mavericks) are comfortable with the way things have always been and if you haven’t noticed, things are changing rapidly! In today’s rapidly changing market you need to build some maverick muscle to fully leverage a robust financial and lifestyle opportunity that is at open auction “NOW.”
To adopt a new business model or new and creative value based pricing strategy means you have to educate your customers or clients. It may also mean you have to ‘sell’ the idea to partners or managers, the CEO or the Board.
Regardless if you’re a one person show or a large firm, there are 2 things you need to master to fully leverage the paradigm shift.
1. Mindset –is it fixed or growth?
1. Mindset –is it fixed or growth?
What is a mindset? A mindset is made up of a set of beliefs- a belief system.
People with a fixed mindset tend to believe things are as they are and shouldn’t change. Why change something that’s not broken. They’ll resist seeing ‘broken’ until collapse. Change is uncomfortable for people with a fixed mindset and they tend to think we’re born with certain skills and we don’t change much.
People with a growth mindset believe that with intention we can grow and learn new skills, they seek change and adopt to new situations more easily than those with fixed mindsets.
You can have a growth mindset in one area and a fixed mindset in another.
For example you may be an out of the box thinker and believe we can change. You may believe change is good and you’re always learning new ways to do things. Yet at the same time you may have a fixed mindset when it comes to money. It may show up as detesting sales, ideas about what influences the purchasing decisions of your clients, or how money is generated. (If you're grunting here you may have a fixed mindset when it comes to money).
The idea is, to maximize your income potential in the new paradigm using creative business models and pricing strategies, you must be willing to do some personal investigating into your own beliefs about money, business, sales, and negotiation.
You’ll be negotiating and selling new ideas internally in your firm, and/or yourself, and with your clients. You must know the facts, the mindsets of who you need to educate and you must be ready to meet objections.
Knowing your personal beliefs about money and business paradigms and whether you have inner hidden conflicts that may interfere is crucial for positioning yourself, your ideas, and your value proposition. When you’re transparent with yourself in this department, you’re fully in a growth mindset and you’re more aware and armed with tools to help get your opponents on board with your vision. It's sales.
I tell young people, learn sales if nothing else. I wish I learned sales from a young age, and not just selling for others. When you sell your own service, you have to self-promote and it sometimes ‘feels’ like you’re selling yourself.
This brings up all kinds of weird stories, beliefs, and feelings. Becoming good at sales is part emotional, part mindset, part competence, and mostly confidence. When you’re able to uncover your unique selling proposition and show a possible client, colleague or whoever you wish to sell your idea, position, product or service to, you must articulate a return on investment.
We are selling all day long. We sell to our children, why they need to brush their teeth. We sell to our colleagues when we want to them to jump on board with our vision. We sell to our clients when we believe our service will enhance their life.
Yet, there is a scary part of the population (I don’t know the statistic) that shies away from sales at ALL COSTS. With a fixed mindset, they’re doomed. With a growth mindset, it’s possible to learn the skills and confidence of selling and create a massive paradigm shift in your world. If I did it, anyone can learn it!
Taking these two essentials for success into account, no matter what your profession it behooves you to adopt a growth mindset and get good at sales.
Getting good at sales means clearing up any idea you may have about why it’s awful to sell, why you detest people who sell, or why you 'hate' sales. There are usually inner hidden conflicts around money at the root when someone resists sales. The most beautiful thing I’ve learned (because I was someone who resisted sales at all costs- in fact I’d go into a catatonic state before making a sales call just a few short years ago), is that becoming masterful at sales is the most gorgeous journey of personal growth.
A new level of self-worth emerges, a new layer of confidence revealed, and a new lawyer of who you really are is allowed to shine when you take a stand for what you believe in, what you’re worth, and how you claim it. When you do this for yourself you become more valuable to your clients, your firm and the world. When we grow we lift others.
I'd love to hear your comments below.
You can have what you want, you can have it sooner than you think, and you are more powerful than you believe.
Have you ever felt like you gave your power away unintentionally? Like one minute you're feeling in control, grounded and moving forward. Something triggers you or someone with the wrong attitude says something and you're thrown off course, feeling small, unable to access your inner power and take a stand for yourself and your brilliance?
Those moments suck. They're part of the human experience. Until they're not.
Inner power or inner strength exist in a location.
Imagine there are coordinates for this location- your source of inner strength. When you know these coordinates and you anchor them with a feeling or sensory movement in your body- and practice accessing them when you're actually feeling powerful, in alignment and good, you'll be able to call on these reserves, access your power spot, and melt away the daggers that take you off your game.
Would you like to give this a try?
Take one minute and do this exercise with me now. First read through the 4 steps then do them.
Step #1 - Find your coordinates
Close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths and release and tension. Squeeze your shoulders up to your ears and HOLD. Then exhale and release your shoulders (dramatically) and let everything go.
With your eyes closed, lift your chest up and head up- like you're wearing an 'S' on your chest (Superhero). Deep breath in again and exhale.
Picture in your mind a time when you felt powerful and felt yourself influencing others- in a positive way. Smile a little. Just KNOW you're powerful. Remember people DO look up to you. Feel that for a minute. Let it sink in. If you're an athlete, litigator, martial artist, arbitrator, executive, dancer, team leader, healer, teacher- whatever you do where you FEEL important and powerful, think of that and hold it in your mind. Smile, Where do you feel a good sensation in your body? In your chest? In your stomach? In your forehead? This feeling may or may not come easy for you. But if you focus - give your attention, you will notice a feeling of 'good' somewhere in your body.
Place your hand there. This is your coordinate.
Step #2 - Anchor your coordinates
Stand up and hold your body in a powerful way with good posture (not slouching). Deep breath and exaggerated exhale. Ok there you're anchoring that feeling of power. Notice how you feel.
Step #3 - Practice when you're feeling good
Now when you' re feeling good, grounded and in empowered, practice this exercise again. 1. Close your eyes, 2. Puff your chest and lift your head (good posture) 3. Smile and remember a time when you felt super powerful, successful, influential, on your A-game, 4. Place your hand on the spot in your body you feel that power sensation 5. Stand up and take a deep breath to anchor it in.
Step #4- Practice when you feel the dagger
This is the 'easy' part. (Just believe it is). When you anticipate a tense situation, do this exercise before. When you're blindsided, just place your hand on the spot you located, take a deep breath, puff your chest, and exhale. Let it roll off you. You're untouchable. You've done nothing wrong and you've got this!
You've met those people with a spark in their eye, a curiosity with no agenda.They carry poise and somehow being in their presence feels like you're looking in a mirror. Those with embodied poise are grounded in assurance inside and out because they're self-aware.
Everyone is a mirror for us to gain a deeper level of self awareness as to how we show up in the world. What do I need to learn about myself here? Doing an honest self assessment personally and professionally allows us to see how we show up in the world.
When you're clear on your value system and how congruent you are with your beliefs and actions, a self assessment tells you when you're on the mark. When we don't take time to reflect here our inner hidden conflicts fester into the Shadow.
How do you know if you're going deep enough to pull out the real blind spots in your self assessment? If you're familiar with Carl Jung's work on the 'Shadow,' he explains the shadow as the unconscious part of ourselves we do not identify with. In essence it's the annoying part of the other person we see who is really reflecting a part of ourselves we don't realize we've pushed far into the subconscious recesses of our minds-the parts we don't want to see or admit exist.
The person with embodied poise has a healthy relationship with their Shadow parts.
How does this happen? They take responsibility for their lives and are willing to look at the not so great parts and improve on them.
So what does taking responsibility for your results have to do with Rainmaking with Poise?
Those who take responsibility for their own results thrive. When you blame the economy, blame others, or blame your team or the weather, you shift responsibility which means you are no longer in control of your own results.
Establishing Inner Poise
Inner poise comes with empowered self responsibility. Inner poise wilts with a lack, victim, or scarcity mentality. Inner Poise is certainty that you are showing up and doing the best you can with what you've got while being committed to self-observation and personal growth.
Authenticity and Intention
Inner poise is authenticity. So how can you practice and be authentic at the same time? Intention.
Your intention -your agenda- has the power to make manifest where there was nothing before.
When you walk into a room with the intention to exchange with curiosity versus the intention to GET and persuade, you exude an energy people want to be around. Fully listening versus thinking, "how can I get them to be a referral source/client?" is not authentic and does not exude inner poise.
I was recently at a networking mixer and someone went out of their way to introduce me to a law firm partner who happened to be speaking to someone else. It was awkward for me and the whole thing felt strange. I did my best to be friendly and work with the energies. The conversation persisted.
I was being ignored. I was curious about their conversation and sensed the attorney was 'trying' to close business. I wanted to be respectful. Leaving felt as awkward as staying. I had to work with this situation- ever been there?
Here's an example of 'NON' Inner poise: For name's sake, let's call the law partner Sally and the potential new client Linda. I was introduced to Sally. Sally smiled and did her best to continue her conversation with Linda.
I was listening and asked questions with curiosity and due respect while assessing whether I was welcomed. Sally ignored me and didn't turn her glance off Linda. I sensed a pounce going on. If Sally had inner poise and was confident that Linda would become her client, she would would have comfortably done one of two things.
1. Hi Stephanie, it's a pleasure to meet you. I'd love to learn about you and connect and Linda and I are just wrapping up our conversation here in about 10 minutes, can I come find you when we're through?
I would have felt acknowledged, released, and positive about Sally and how gracefully she held her boundaries.
2. Hi Stephanie nice to meet you, Linda and I were just talking about her start up and the necessary legal implications of proceeding without cetain intellectual property protections in place and I was letting her know how our firm helps businesses like hers all the time. She has an interesting company. Linda ...
I would have felt included, welcomed, and certainly lit up about Sally's business. My ears would have perked up and immediately I could have thought of 5 people I know who need an IP attorney in a firm like Sally's.
Inner Poise and Boundaries
It's undisputed that we put off a vibe. A vibe consists of subtle energies. Someone with authentic inner poise is able to manage these energies, sense how to gracefully handle a situation without fear of lack or loss.
In the example above Sally was putting off a vibe of fear that she would or could possibly lose a potential client.
When you're grounded in poise and certainty, you manage people, expectations and situations with grace. It's not always easy but done tactfully, you will make an impact that will not go unnoticed.
If Sally was sufficiently committed to carrying on a conversation while ignoring me (when someone took the time -inappropriate or not - to walk me over to introduce us for Sally's benefit as well) she could have asserted clean boundaries as in the first example. I would have had a ton of respect for her.
If your desired outcome is to grow your practice, be a successful rainmaker, and build solid relationships, growing inner poise must be a goal. Self assessment, self observation and objective assessment -sometimes hired help is better- is essential to personal growth and inner poise.
Sally may not have known this but had she made a great impression on me -while making a great impression on Linda- I may have sent over a million dollars in business her way and she would also have Linda as a new client. She would have modeled excellence in front of a prospect which in and of itself carries value.
When you grow the seed of inner poise authentically from the inside out, you never have to worry who's watching. Just show up intentionally and be yourself and you'll gracefully manage energies while building relationships that grow your business and produce your desired outcomes.
Have you noticed the poise in people of influence? Have you noticed people who could use some tips on tact? Please share your comments below. We'd love to hear your experience as well...
Healthy boundaries are critical to your success.
We develop our boundaries from the time we're young and spend a lifetime nailing them in place fortifying them until they become default behaviors.
A few boundary types are: squishy, soft, neutral, firm, and stiff. We can have firm boundaries in one area and squishy boundaries in another.
One of the quickest paths to achieving a new level of success, is to become super clear and aware of your own boundaries, how you hold them, and commit to strengthening them in all areas of your life - because how you do one thing is how you do everything (arguably).
Here are some Tips to evaluate and strengthen your boundaries when it comes to Time & Money:
Boundaries and Time:
Time management is another way to think of boundaries and time. Do you bend your schedule or say 'yes' to things you really mean 'no' to? When you prioritize what needs to be done, are you allowing distractions to trump your time commitments? When you commit to going to the gym or writing your article, do you allow other people's needs to circumvent your trajectory? When you commit to being present with your family are you still checking emails on your phone?
Maintaining firm boundaries with your time means learning how to say 'No' without apologizing. Depending on your caregivers or how you were raised, you have a certain level of expectation of others and you also have a set point for how you 'give'. We all do.
When you decide it's time to set firmer boundaries with your time accept that it may feel uncomfortable in the beginning. You may feel like you're 'bad' or 'selfish' or downright rude. It's ok. Feel it. Let it go. Some people in the same situation would have no idea why you feel that way- because they have a different set point.
Owing anyone a 'yes,' is just an idea. It's not real until you give it power. Start with awareness of how it feels when you pummel obligations you've made with yourself to say yes to someone or something else. I'm talking about those times you say yes, then resent the fact, or wish you said, no, or sometimes don't even realize until after the fact and you feel like, "why did I say yes to this."
Get in the habit of saying YES 100% when you really mean it and saying NO 100% when you mean it -even if it feels challenging. Time is precious- once it's gone you can't get it back. Practice saying YES to yourself and notice when you say YES to others if your boundaries are squishy, soft, neutral, firm, or stiff. Do your best to stay clear of stiff and squishy and see what changes for you.
Bonus Tip: When you empower your boundaries you empower others
Boundaries and Money:
Most folks don't walk around saying to themselves, "I need to have better boundaries with money." What they do say is, "I feel bad so I gave her $--,---." "I need to stop spending impulsively," "When will anyone ever help me out, all I do is give!" "I need to speak to my partner about the way he/she is spending and not paying the bill." "I wish I could ask for a raise, I know I'm worth more than this." "Yes, ok I'll give you more time for free since I really want to help you." "Ok I'll bend my policy for you because I don't want to say no to you."
These are the 'inside our head' thoughts. When it comes to having firm boundaries with money it's important to realize that we really do empower others when we empower ourselves. This includes, asking for what we're worth, having courageous money conversations, negotiating with firm positioning, and saying NO or YES even if it's going to seem rude or 'not nice.'
Do you have squishy, soft, neutral, firm, or stiff boundaries when it come to money? Do you say yes when you mean no? Do you always pick up the bill? Do you duck out from picking up the bill? Do you always try and get a 'discount'? Do you take as much of the FREE and wonder why the money isn't showing up for you? Do you come to the rescue of others financially? Are you being rescued?
One way to zone in on your specific money personality is using money archetypes. There are 8 particular money archetypes I use with my clients to help them empower their boundaries with money. It's fascinating that each of the different archetypes have very different characteristics when it comes to money boundaries. For example, the tendency of the Nurturer is to give and give until a deep level of resentment festers. The Nurturer is one who will thrive when they fully embody the truth that we do empower others when we are firm with our boundaries and empower ourselves.
With the Ruler money archetype, saying no in the interest of the empire (big picture) is easy because the Ruler feels differently about 'giving' than the Nurturer. The Celebrity may give for different reasons than the Nurturer and Ruler. For example the Celebrity archetype will give for the purpose of attaining a certain status or level of visibility even though it may not be in their best interest. These habits are subconscious and so important to acknowledge because the subconscious mind rules 80% of the time (or more). These are just a few examples of how our own money personalities express differently when it comes to boundaries and money.
To strengthen your boundaries with money, make a list of 3-5 ways you may be out of integrity with money or not implementing actions that are congruent with your financial goals. This can be in the areas of spending, not investing, giving to others when it disempowers you and them, or even in the language you use to speak about money.
Having better boundaries with money begins by understanding your personal money story- we all have a different story. Our money stories include our beliefs about money -both conscious and subconscious beliefs. Next, check in with your financial goals and assess whether they are congruent with your actions.
The final place you want to check in with is how you 'feel' about your actions when it comes to money. Checking in and being clear means you know what you have to do to hold better money boundaries. This takes practice! (It helps to have an objective person -not family member- to pin point blindspots because we all have them when it comes to money.)
Real Life and Business:
So how does this apply to the real world and business? When you offer your services for a certain fee, or you deliver them a certain way and someone says, can I just pay for one session, or can you give me a discount (hey sometimes it's warranted like when you've referred a bunch of business), it's' so important to keep firm boundaries. Your time is money but your value is not time. Even when you want to help, sometimes you're not helping by giving things away, or discounting your services. It's disempowering for the person asking because they will continue to discount themselves.
When we empower our boundaries we empower others!
Did you find this useful? If so, I'd love to hear your comments below! Where can you empower your boundaries with Time and/or Money, today, right now?
This post is a welcome commentary on David Brook's latest Op-Ed in the New York Times.
Success is made. It grows from the inside out. It's the ever intangible feeling, idea, sense, desire, accolade, achievement, arrival, continuum, vision, belief, mindset, paradigm. You get it.
Comparing yourself to others is no longer an option when the result is self-denigration. Your success is sourced from a brilliant vault deep inside. It's an essence you exude, it's the journey of a thousand miles. The poetic path or apocalyptic landing pad.. "Success is made not born."
Do yourself a favor and read this article. Click here to access.
Please share your comments below. What clicked? What inspires you? What did you want more of? What's that thing on your bucket list that is no longer an option?
Stephanie Trager, ESQ.
Business Strategist & Success Coach
Author of: Soul Success: Success from the Inside Out (Fall 2015)
"Law firm needs 4-5 attorneys for a doc review project to start Monday, which will be for 2-3 weeks on-site at their downtown offices. Must be admitted in NY. A minimum of 3 months of e-discovery document review experience preferred. Pay rate $24/ hour." Craigslist
I'm absolutely blown away! I pay a virtual assistant $40-70$+ an hour! Perhaps attorneys who are out of work and saying yes to positions like this are not aware that they can earn $70+ an hour doing very basic online administrative tasks for entrepreneurs.
I'm not sure document review in legal discovery is more interesting but to haul your butt into a big room and stare at a computer screen for 15 hours a day just to max out your $24 hour allowance, I'd take the stay home in your pajamas and log onto your laptop option any day.
When I speak to attorneys in the traditional practice of law, it blows their minds also that Virtual Assistants [VAs], many who have no formal education compared to the immense endeavor of law school (and investment) and potentially grueling experience new lawyers go through in their earlier formal training, are able to earn up to $100+ an hour or more for their services.
Many VAs are highly trained in online technology and are becoming a growing necessity for online entrepreneurs. But come on, many of the attorneys I speak to who actually take these positions are just unaware of the gazillions of opportunities to create the life of their dreams.
It takes a bit of creativity, positioning and intentional paradigm stretching. This is where I come in. Please reach out to me so I can help you here because you didn't go to law school for $24 an hour!
Um, it's time for a little education and a decision to stop the commoditizing of attorneys. Yet, hey, it's like any field, I know doctors who are burned out on traditional practice and stuck in between. The onus is on you-and rightly so! It's called, "TAKE YOUR POWER BACK or BUILD IT IN THE FIRST PLACE!
It takes marketing, sales, and I believe it takes a good Coach to show you what's possible- how you can leverage your talent, your training and education, and position yourself for way the heck more than $24 hr. all the while giving your dignity a giant boost of green juice!
Send this to a lawyer you love who is currently out of work, in between, or underselling their services for whatever reason! A bad economy is no excuse!
Stephanie Trager, ESQ.
Business Strategist & Success Coach
Would you like to tap into hidden profits right under your nose? You may not really know this, but wouldn't it be awesome if those hidden profits were actually there and someone could show you where? What you really would love is to increase revenue, free up your time, and have a magic wand infuse a new dose of purpose in your practice.
Yes? Then click this link to answer a brief questionnaire and I'll be in touch to schedule you in for a no cost, no obligation Next Level of Success Breakthrough Session where you will:
We're always selling.
Marketing our business, is obvious. Yet, we're always walking around selling our ideas to our friends, pitching ideas for social activities, selling loved ones on things we want to buy, do, or places we want to go. We sell all the time.
Now that we agree on that, let's talk about how you can position yourself and your service or idea so that others will jump on board.
Why do we complicate everything?
Marketing is simple and so are business plans. You don't need to create some intense document that looks like an investment bankers spreadsheet to know what you do, who you serve, where you are and where you want to be.
This week I was at a Marketing for Lawyers Conference a full day continuing legal education event in New York City. There were fabulous speakers sharing decades of experience in legal marketing for law firms.
I was taken aback that the same exact principles I use to work with private clients in helping them grow their businesses and put their purpose work into the world, were shared by in house Chief Marketing Officers and private marketing consultants to Billion dollar firms.
My take away: Everything is the Same and everything is different. When it's the same it's the same, when it's different it's different. Keep it simple.
In other words, we complicate everything when really life is so simple. There are a simple set of marketing rules that apply to all -giant billion dollar law firms and individual service providers:
6 Simple Marketing Practices to
Grow YOU and Grow Your Business:
Let's go in depth here...
1. Purpose: You need to know your WHY- why are you doing what you do? What is your calling - your Soul's Agenda on this planet in this lifetime? What are you so passionate about in your life that it feels so important to pull you forward? What is YOUR purpose?
What is your business' purpose? OR what is the purpose of your proposition or proposal? Knowing what you want and why you want it is very important before you will be able to manifest it to spec!
2. Mission: What's your mission statement? Do you have one? Does your business have a mission statement? Do you have a mission? How is it connected to your businesses mission? Creating a powerful statement that secures your mission brings clarity to your strategy. It is a compass that directs all of your activities. This isn't written in stone. You can change your mission. Start somewhere. Your mission reflects what's important to you or your business - it reflects your values.
3. Strategy: You need to know where you'd like to be. If you don't have a business, yet you've got a pulse and desire for something in life- you need a vision. From that vision you need a strategy. As I borrow from others who've said this, "Hope is not a strategy."
Even if you're having a baby. These days you've got a purpose, a mission, and you need a strategy. If you have a business- it's like having a baby. You need to chart your course.
Often we get stuck at this point because we can only strategize from what we know. It helps to have support in all phases and especially this phase if you want epic success. You can only know what you know.
Remember there are things you know you don't know and things you don't even know you don't know.
"Stop thinking like you're a manager of your circumstances and remember you're a creator of your life." Tony Robbins
4. Goals: Once you have a strategy you create goals. Goals are step by step benchmarks. They're ideas with deadlines. They pull you forward and stretch you. You want your goals to be big enough to feel scary yet still at a level that you BELIEVE are achievable.
5. Plan: A plan is something you sink into. You create a plan (preferably with some guidance) to help you achieve your goals while staying in alignment with your strategy and always measuring whether it's in alignment with your mission -your values- and your purpose.
6. Execution: Taking action is the hard part for many people. You bump up against edges that are uncomfortable and here's where your beliefs, mindsets and paradigms are challenged.
This is the critical step. Executing your plan means moving forward consistently celebrating successes and course correcting promptly when things are not working.
Execution will test how thick or thin your skin is when it comes to failure and rejection. This is your opportunity to SHINE. It's where you get to transform old stories of who you think you are to step into who you are becoming.
This is where your challenges become levers- not stopping points.
If you're not moving at full speed. It's worth reaching out for help FAST. I watch people suffer needlessly when there is so much help available. A breakthrough is a STATE shift away. The starting place is to ask, "How attached to this state of ______ am I? How is it serving me?" (there is always a gain)
Your next level of success is one decision away!
Are you in? Let's talk.
Please share your comments below: Which of the 6 practices do you have the easiest time with? Which is most challenging and why?
Plus: If you'd like to breakthrough and move forward more rapidly, on purpose and connected to your Inner Source of Power apply for a one on one Strategy Session and we'll have 30 minutes on the phone to help you get clear on your next best steps! (these are always breakthrough calls!) Apply Here
Why do people say, "I'm sorry" when they've done nothing wrong?
If I share something that is challenging or that happened that's not pleasant and I receive a "I'm sorry" it tells me a lot about the person and if they're on my page with 'sorry.' In this circumstance, 'sorry' colludes with an idea there is something wrong. It robs me of the full experience to see the challenge as an opportunity.
We as a collective need to give the word "SORRY" some much needed boundaries. The meaning of "I'm sorry" when someone apologizes conveys some level of responsibility. So how did it happen that we as a society say, "I'm so sorry" for someone's loss, or challenge when we had nothing to do with causing it?
Here's what "sorry" subtly does:
1. Speaks to the person saying its subconscious mind that by 'being sorry' they are somehow doing something to lighten the load off the other person- so they're shifting responsibility from the person experiencing the trauma, sadness, loss or challenge to themselves in order to 'help.'
2. It disempowers the person experiencing the challenge because it removes full responsibility from them. By responsibility I am referring to the fact that we create our reality and as a matter of fact, every circumstance is an opportunity for some level of growth- spiritually, physically, emotionally... I'm not being cold. There is always space for support without 'being sorry.' I'm just putting forth the need for us to reevaluate how, why and when we use this loaded phrase.
3. And lastly when we say "Oh I'm so sorry" what we do is collude with someone else's story. Most of the time people share what they're experiencing or challenges for a few of the following reasons: sometimes purely to vent, sometimes to reinforce a disempowering story, and sometimes to express an underlying 'need' for love, support, attention, or validation.
None of the above are bad. Part of surrounding yourself with people committed to saying what they mean and meaning what they say, or working one on one with a mentor/coach is you will be held powerfully. You don't get away with saying things that are just default from our conditioning. Most folks haven' stopped to question themselves and why they apologize to everyone for everything.
So when a client of mine tells a story that is disempowering and comes from a place of need- or an old belief system, in a most supporting and soulfully loving way, I will stretch them to see how they are colluding with their old story, their old belief system, and their old way of reacting or responding. This empowers them to choose more meaningful words of influence.
We are able to change our perception and see possibilities when we are empowered. We are also able to take responsibility for the challenges that show up in our lives.
So one person asked, "What about when someone you love dies? How is this a challenge we are to take responsibility for?" Of course we are not the cause of this great loss. In a situation where someone is passing we have a whole lot to learn about the process of death and the spiritual gifts that are present. Grief from loss, trauma and tragedy offer us a way to deepen our relationship with Spirit and the energy of death.
I'm writing this with the intention that we all become more aware of when we say "Sorry," how we say "Sorry," and WHY we say "Sorry." What could you say instead that conveys support, compassion, love and an opportunity for growth?
Are things changing in your life?
I hope you said yes things are changing. Things are always changing.
How do embrace the change? In truth, change happens all the time. Transformation is the intentional using of change to turn one thing into something else. When it comes to your life and your challenges - the effects show up as things you don't want. Or less of what you want more of.
"Transformation is the intentional using of change to turn one thing into something else."
So how do you interrupt the cycle and create more of what you want and less of what you don't want? First, you choose transformation. That means life no longer is just happening to you, it's happening for you.
ie. The reason you are stressed is not because you have no money.
The very situation that may suck- money, business, relationship, ...the cause may seam like fear, or the bank, or the rent, or the mortgage or the place where you live, or the illness or diagnosis.
The reason you are upset is not because that happened.
That's never the cause. Those are effects. Including fear. Fear is an effect also.
So how do you get to the true cause?
First you must be willing. Without willingness you will never achieve what you want. You may be willing to DO certain things but if your inner program is set- your inner set point is creating your world and all the events and effects showing up in it colored by that inner hidden cause. If you're not getting what you want you have to be willing to get in there and find the inner hidden cause. Then what? Transform it.
Be willing to intentionally choose to transform. Change will happen anyway.
Why do most people shy away from transformation? It's not easy. It's often scary, It often sucks in the thick of it. It's painful. It often changes things and produces discomfort (at first). Sometimes our blocks are so intense (for some good reason) they don't allow us to undo them! That's when it's time to call in the surgeons (outside support). Energetic or psyche / psychic surgery is sometimes what we need.
Because you're brilliant and that block is there for a reason. It's protecting you from something your subconscious mind believes is true (danger) even if it's not. It's within your subconscious mind that lay the cause. The cause is what built the belief, and the belief is what keeps your program running the same no matter how much conscious effort you make to 'feel the fear and do it anyway.'
I'm not saying transformation has to be this formidable idea. It can be 100% the opposite- pleasurable, enjoyable, enlightening, easy, fun, and orgasmic.
Either way it can be chaotic and better yet why invest in help or a coach to help you create even more chaos? Right? A part of you knows when you choose transformation your life will change. Basic. But a part of you fears it's going to be uncomfortable and may 'rock the boat' in such a big way that "Why choose chaos voluntarily and pay for it nonetheless!"
3 Steps to Change Your Life with
1. Acknowledge the sludge you're is carrying gold.
Stop, drop and dig.
When you're feeling bummed about something, maybe it's fear of never succeeding the way you want, or perhaps you feel you'll never get out of the soul sucking job and create your extraordinary life...whatever it is you're feeling. Realize it's happening for you. It's waiting for you to wake up and dig. Stop and contemplate your situation. Drop in and be willing to investigate for what's really causing things to be the way they are in your life. And dig for more answers. Dig until you find the real cause- not a link in the chain that's really an effect, but dig until you get to the cause.
2. Uncover and go deeper. There is a diamond under the gold.
Even when you think you found the root, the cause, 98% of the times you have deeper to go. It may not be ready now...the diamond is still in formation. Humble your awareness to be shown what needs to be seen and be 'willing' to stop drop and dig when the diamond calls. What looks like sludge should now be glittering from a new perspective.
3. Take the diamond covered in grey and transmute that stone into a gem.
When you have that diamond in your hands, the root, the cause the ever abundant producer of the effect show of your life, what do you do? You transmute it. It's transmuting all the time, creating seemingly new ideas and experiences- all produced by the same story teller. You want to change the story. From the root, the first link in the chain, you change the rest of the links and create a new experience. This is how you interrupt the chain of causation (the true law of causation in effect- pun intended) Each new experience with this transmuted story creates a new link and a new link until you have a new chain. And the effects in your life have changed, they reflect the new you who is becoming!
You have transformed!
And then you do it again.
I'd love to hear comments below if you're willing to dig...
Do you know stress?
Stress is just information. Most people use it
the wrong way.
I meet so many people who are successful.
They look successful that is. Yet truly, inside there
is a whole other reality going on. Stress, overwhelm,
feeling stuck, lack of confidence, not speaking
the truth, feeling like there's no way out, there's
no other options.
Do you ever feel this way?
Stress shuts down possibility and cuts off your
masterful mind from resources and faculties
available to you now, before and always.
Life is telling you a story.
You're constantly being given signs. Whether
you hear them and decode them is another story.
There are keys to unlock the code.
I'm not undermining the intensity or saying it's
not a painful or a hard situation. I am saying,
you're being given signs- maybe through your
physical body, maybe through outer experiences.
There is something you are meant to find out
and learn from this situation. Are you being told
to make a change?
You can lead the change or be led.
Becoming more self aware is the first step to hearing
your signs more clearly. This week, listen more closely.
What could be a sign?
In the spirit of GROWTH there is no starting over.
What if everything was a step in the right direction- even when it doesn't work out? When you carry a mindset of training, growing, compounding, adding on, you really don't see failure and you don't see change as stopping and starting over.
Do you know it takes 10,000 hours of practice to become an master? That's how Malcolm Gladwell portrays mastery in, "Outliers: The Story of Success." It's a wonderful read on what makes one person masterful and another person not. (highly recommend)
I'm someone who has had a lot of careers for a woman in her early 40s. If I look back on what I've accomplished and what I'm focused on mastering I know the thread because I was intentional about continuing to add on to my expertise. Through various degrees, experiences, trainings and businesses I've started and succeeded in (and some not so successful), I approach each move, each shift in niche or market, each new city I relocate to, as a next step.
It's easy to slip into the mindset of, "Here I am again starting anew." This isn't the most productive mindset. It signals to your subconscious mind that you don't have the resources you already have. Cognitively you know you have experience yet when you believe you're starting over your subconscious mind goes into starting over mode.
Instead a more productive and forward moving mindset is, "How can I leverage my skill and position my talent to continue to add on to my expertise so that I'm on track for mastery?"
Sure some parts of change will mean starting over.
It's not always without challenge. The key is at some point decide what you're gifted at. Take that thing and no matter where you find yourself, be it in a new job, a new business, a new relationship, a new city, and continue honing that gift, applying new skills, new levels of success, and by the 10,000th hour, you'll attain mastery.
The key to mastery is practice.
Practice is the only constant on the path of mastery. Once you have your gift/talent clarified, and you can see in retrospect how it has shown up in most of your experiences, (sometimes it's up to you to be a little creative to find it), intentionally commit to moving forward honing that talent no matter what your next step is.
If there is an aspect of that path that you don't like or feel you're that good at, don't be so quick to dismiss it as 'not your natural gift.'
A masterful athlete who is not strong in the abdominal's will become strong through practice and training. By becoming strong in the abs, they become better at their sport because naturally a strong core enhances all level of fitness.
If you're not good at sales for example, it doesn't mean you can't become good at sales. If mastering another part of your business requires sales, in the beginning you have to practice sales. When you practice what you're not good at, you become better. With more time you become even better. It's the LAW of Mastery.
What's something you could clock close to 10,000 hours at so far in this lifetime? How about 4,000 hours? What about talking? How about running? A musical instrument? Gymnastics? Writing? Sales? Personal development?
If I approached my life as stopping and starting over I'd never amass skill or mastery in anything. Instead keep the clock running and be intentional in applying your talent. Ten thousand hours isn't that far off.
It's a decision away.
Connect with Stephanie:
Are you feeling stuck or disconnected from what, when, where and how? What's your next move? How can you be more purposeful, perform better, earn more income, feel confident and ready to embody your next level of success? Whether it's your business that needs an overhaul, upgrade or tweak, or it's time for a big change, I can help you achieve an extraordinary outcome.
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